As we wake up and greet the new year, President Barack Obama has a weird and wonderful story to tell.

We managed to catch up with him as he gave a speech outside the White House: “I had a dream or, should I say, a nightmare. I woke up in the Oval Office shower room and I’m very happy to declare that the nightmare is over.

“Our script writer, the good Lord, has declared that this last twelve months can be removed from the history books. Donald Trump was never President. Happy Holidays everyone.”

He then took questions while eyeing up the female journalists and donning a MAGA baseball cap. What about MAGA?

“Well Maybe America’s Great Already.”

So what of the embarrassment that was the Twitter account?

“That was fake news.”

What of the dangerous rhetoric against North Korea?

“That was fake news.”

What of the Russia collusion and FBI investigation?

“Again, bigly fake news.

“I feel sorry for the British though. That crazy plan they call Brexit is sadly still happening. There are some levels of idiocy even The Good Lord can’t dream up.

“I will say one more thing. I remember a wise man, a really wise man once said to me, try to learn from the past, but plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That’s where the fun is.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get to my promised land. I have a 12:30 tee off time and my daughter is caddying for me.”

All attempts to contact Donald Trump have failed, though there are reports he was last seen in a Mar-a-lago shower room, hitting his head repeatedly on the tiled floor muttering “You’re fired!” over and over agaun.

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