It has been revealed today that bosses of the Special Air Service, or SAS, the British special forces, attempted to contact the Liberal Democrat party in order to ascertain how they were so good at actually being a thing, but no one really having any idea who they are, where they are or what they are doing.

A spokesperson for the SAS said “Everyone knows that we exist, and has usually met some fat, bald bloke in a pub who claims to have been a member of the SAS. We’re the world’s worst kept secret.

“That’s why we wanted to contact the Liberal Democratic Party. Everyone knows who they are but no drunkard ever pretends to be the Deputy leader of their party. Nobody claims to have gone canvassing for them at the last election and not one bloke with no friends who sits alone at the end of the bar, staring into space subtly alludes to once having been to a Lib Dem constituency meeting back in the day. We would like to be able to achieve that level of obscurity.”

The spokesperson actually said this twice to our reporter, as the first time the balaclava made it rather difficult to record what they had said.

We tried to contact the Lib Dems for a comment on the story, but so far we have had no response.

Which proves the SAS’ point really.

As a foot note, our reporter who saw the SAS spokesperson hasn’t been seen since this story was filed. Could you contact the office please Trevor, you’re mother won’t stop calling us.