Warning: This article contains spoilers.

Henry Profiterole, 35, was recently forced to admit that he had covered his 10 year old Vauxhall Zafira with slogans like “One Life, live it.” and “Zafira Sports” as his life really had not turned out the way that he had hoped.

“I had plans.” Mr Profiterole told the Rochdale Herald.

“I left school with a handful of GCSE’s, and I was going to get a job as a World class footballer. Then I met my wife, and she fell pregnant. That was when my 15 year old Focus ST had to go, as we needed a more ‘practical’ car.” Opined Mr Profiterole.

“Then I had to get a job and ‘sort my life out’. That didn’t mean that I had given up on my dreams, just that I had put them on hold. To show that, I covered my Zafira in stickers and spoilers in an attempt to stand out from everyone else on the estate. The problem is that they all have them too.”

When our reporter asked why Mr Profiterole had such an epiphany, he looked like he was annoyed, so we asked him why he had come to such a jarring realisation. He then told us that one of the children on the estate will not stop laughing at his car and that he felt a bit foolish.

We approached Mrs Profiterole for a comment, all she did was roll her eyes, and and let out a long suffering sigh.