Various well known public figures, and nobodies, have announced today they intend to be at the reading of Hugh Hefner’s last will and testament, but only for the legal articles, not, they claim, to look at the Playboy bunnies that will be there.
The announcement of the passing of the champion of literature and quality high brow print journalism, Hugh Hefner, today has caused global sadness and the surety that his funeral will be heavily attended.
Various celebrities, and even well known promoter of women’s rights Donald Trump, tearfully confessed to stealing copies of Playboy out from under the beds of older brothers or parents in the decades before the internet ruined the life of pretty much everything printed, but especially porn magazines.
Tod Tosser, 48, told the Herald why he was going to the reading of the will, even though he does not expect to be mentioned or to benefit.
“It’s definitely not because I want to look at the Playboy bunnies altogether in the one place, all needing comfort, especially the ones that don’t benefit from the will and need cheering up, you know, an arm around the shoulder?
“I’m just going to hear the legal particulars as I find any sort of article that is written down endlessly fascinating. Hopefully I’ll get to read a copy of the will myself, so long as no stray pairs of breasts ruin it for me. That used to happen a lot when I was attempting to read about the Vietnam War in Playboy in the 60’s and 70’s,”
But Tod’s sister, Melissa, cried foul on his stated motivation.
“He’s got the reading age of an idiot. He can barely read a shopping list let alone any long articles. He spent so much time glaring at the centrefolds in Playboys he nicked from under our dad’s pillow growing up, he pretty much froze educationally at puberty,”