An angry teenager with the mental age of an eleven year old suspected of international terrorism offences has been arrested because he was wearing a distinctive red hat that matched one captured in CCTV images, The Rochdale Herald has learned.

The seventy year old man-child was held in the departure lounge at the Port of Dover on Saturday after police officers recognised his stupid hat from footage of far right white supremacist rallies in the United States.

The suspect, thought to be a barking mad misogynist from New York, was being questioned last night.

The Home Secretary, Amber Rudd, has lowered the threat level from “Glib Incompetence”  to “Passive Aggressive” at the news of the arrest.

MI5 have confirmed that the boy, who is nominally the leader of the free world, is unlikely to be working with accomplices because “he has never worked” and is “incapable of playing with others” according to sources.



Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.