North Korea state media shouted the revelation this morning that Kim Jong-un won’t be happy until someone else tests a nuclear warhead on North Korean territory.
It’s thought the revelation was made because Kim is becoming uncertain of just how loud he has to shout before Donald Trump makes decades of North Korean state rhetoric into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The Rochdale Herald’s ‘So many world leaders are insane’ correspondent spoke to an expert in international relations for deeper insight.
“The supreme leader believes he knows just how far he can push the envelope until someone puts a stamp on it.” Dr Arma Geddon explained. “After then it’s only a matter of going to the post office.”
It’s unclear if we have reached the stamp the envelope point, as China is so curiously reluctant to have large explosions close to their border, that they continue to suggest conducting international brinkmanship on social media alone is the best policy.
“The supreme leader knows that sooner or later he is going to have to call the bluff of Kim Jong-un and do something militarily. In reality, he’s hoping for a more containable conflict, much like Vladimir Putin, who realised the Ukraine was too close to home in the end, and instead decided to buy his way into Syria. On the other side, any other boffin will tell you that Kim Jong-un is canny and knows exactly how far he can push it. That’s wrong. That’s Putin. Kim Jong-un is a lunatic who only thinks he is canny.”
Furthermore, it’s believed the motivation behind Kim Jong-un’s continual invitation for someone to come and attack North Korea is so he can see first hand how another country’s nuclear warheads compare to his own efforts first hand.
“It’s the only way to be sure. Although in reality he may be disappointed. It’s more likely he’ll get a couple of dozen MOAB’s dropped and several hundred cruise missiles on his territory and he won’t have much left to play with. Which is a shame, because both the supreme leader and Kim Jong-un appear to believe that nuclear explosions are the shapes of willies.”
They want to see who has the biggest one?
“Yes. It would be best for everyone if they stopped threatening nuclear war and just stood next to one another and did the shape and size test personally. That way they could see how ridiculous they both are at the same time.”
