The Royal Society of Celtic Tribes of Great Britain have released a short statement this evening addressing the ineffectiveness of fighting trousers against heavily armed Roman legionnaires.
“In short, they don’t work, no matter how colourful they are.”
The surprising admission comes after the Roman Empire conquered all of Britain up to the Antonine Wall and now occasionally builds fortresses further into Caledonia whenever they feel bored.
“The weather was our best asset.” The Society admitted. “There were voices in the early years of Roman expansion within Britannia who argued we should just hold a non-stop series of BBQ’s for the Romans until they got fed up trying to spit things in the rain and went home. It’s actually how we got rid of Caesar back in BC dates.”
But it seems hotter heads won out this time around with the traditionalist argument that with fighting trousers and magic tattoos the Romans would soon be pushed off the cliffs of Dover and back into the sea.
“The clue was there in our oral history. Our ancestors took their best fighting trousers across to Gaul to assist our brethren in France and found fighting trousers no match for cured leather, iron and plate worn by heavily drilled soldiers in massed formations with cavalry in support.”
Asked what they intended to do now the society was phlegmatic.
“We’re going to get along with the Romans, get drunk and attempt to remember what we called the show before Britannia? Wine from across the empire is flossing in. I plan on holding dinner parties. Building something out of stone and putting a roof over the top is not a bad idea. And have you heard about plumbing? Wonderful what people think of these days.”
The Caledonians of the Highlands are not so inclined, by all reports.
They intend to go on holding outdoor eating events as long as it takes for the Romans to get the message and bugger off back to the south.
“It’s not just BBQ’s.” A representative of the mountain tribes stated. “We fight in the buff. That’s where the real magic is.”
