The Conservative Party has surprised many by including a return of the death penalty in their election manifesto.
Explaining the eye catching manifesto promise, Jacob Rees-Mogg said the following,
“The country is over populated and the prisons are at bursting point. This is a compassionate measure designed to spare people languishing in cells for years on end.”
A Westminster insider had a further explanation.
“The Conservative government has stolen the fire of Brexit from UKIP and appealed to the ageing demographic that currently rules Great Britain. This is just keeping ahead of the game. They’ve got in before Nigel and Arron. It’s wickedly clever.”
Property theft is expected to be included in the list of crimes that could lead to capital punishment.
“Of course due process will be followed.” Jacob added. “We aim to restore the civilising heart to British society. Good behaviour follows an awareness of consequence.”
UKIP were unavailable for comment due to being busy redrafting a key plank of their election manifesto.
The return of the good old days, though, is closer than many think!
