A TK Maxx customer in Rochdale has described his purchase of a pair of jeans that look acceptable and fit perfectly as “nothing short of a miracle.”
Brian Jones, 39, found the jeans whilst shopping with his wife on Wednesday afternoon, after trying on over a dozen pairs.
“I’m a 32 by 32, which is a pretty standard size,” he explained, “but trying to find a pair that actually corresponded to what was on the label was like trying to find somebody under the age of 50 at a UKIP conference.
“When I tried on the first six pairs, three of them were so tight that I couldn’t do them up and the other two were clearly at least a 36. I did find one pair that fitted my waist nicely but when I checked the actual label it turned out they were a 31 inside leg. Who the hell has a 31 inside leg?”
After rejecting a range of less conventional options, including elasticated ‘skinny’ jeans and those ‘pre-distressed’ denims that are only ever worn by total dicks, Jones eventually abandoned his search and joined his wife in the homeware section.
“We were in the kitchen/car maintenance aisle when I saw a pair of 32 by 32 Levi’s just dumped on a shelf, sitting between a bumper book of curry recipes for dogs and a cheese grater shaped like Christopher Walken,” he said. Jones subsequently purchased the jeans after trying them on and getting agreement from his wife, Margaret, 38, that they “didn’t look too shit”.
“Is he still going on about those fucking jeans?” she said, when asked for comment.
At press time, there are unconfirmed reports that Jones has since returned the jeans and exchanged them for an overpriced jar of jellybeans, a Bear Grylls all-weather turkey baster and a chin-up bar that will sit in a cupboard for 18 months until it is eventually thrown out by his wife.
