Soon to be former-president, Barrack “Bazzer” Obama has said that nobody ever said that democracy was supposed to be easy and “it’s harder than a priest in a daycare centre,” in an attempt to allay fears over a Trump presidency.
“Listen, calm the fuck down,” he is said to have said, “The dude said some crazy shit to get elected but now he’s got the gig he is serious about not being a total fuck up, right?”
President Obama was talking to journalists at the White House prior to his last state-funded holiday in Greece, where he is expected to really take advantage of the diplomatic immunity thing when it comes to duty free, Germany and Peru.
“I told Donnie that because the campaigns got a bit lairy,” continued the American boss fella, “that he should be doing something to show signs of not being a complete wanker and he should reach out to minorities and all that stuff. But it’s only been six days so give the orange a bastard a chance yeah?”
Mr Obama also was keen to point out that the shred-headed reality TV star “expressed a great interest in maintaining our core strategic relationships” including with NATO members.
“He talked a load of old tosh during the campaign but that’s just what you do, innit?,” finished the president, “I mean I didn’t close Gitmo did I, eh? Politics is about talking the talk, yo! Respect, peace out.”
Editors note: It has come to our attention that our (former) source may have paraphrased President Obama on some of the things he said in the speech.
