If there is a god then 2016 is his version of an April fools day prank. Long gone are the days of plagues of locusts and floods, he’s bored of that and now so he’s just trolling us.
Then again, 2016 should serve as proof that there is no god. No being, no genius nor psychopath could author the sadistic string of events that has lead us to where we are now.
January kicked off by shitting all over Christmas and taking the legendary David Bowie from us, and as the public were reeling from that, other greats of the music, film and television industries started dropping like kids in a American high school shooting.
Prince, Corbett, Rickman – All gone. The talent pool has well and truly been sucked dry and after the sad passing of John Cleese and David Jason (it’s only October) we’ll have to start giving life time achievement awards out to the cast of TOWIE.
Politics has been interesting, in an excruciating ‘it’s well a truly fucked’ kind of way. The only positive in politics this year has been the demise of the balding ham tinted moon faced pig fancier; David Cameron. The worst Prime Minister in a generation didn’t just step down quietly though, well he did, whilst humming in fact but not before giving the biggest ever decision about the UK’s future to an ill informed plebiscite who he didn’t think would defy him.
The result? A pound dropping faster than Trump’s poll ratings (more on him later.) The unelected Thatcher clone, Theressa May, as Prime Minister and a xenophobic clown as Foreign Secretary. Oh and a Europe on the verge of collapse and a divided UK in dissaray.
Labour seized on this once in a life time opportunity to destroy The Conservatives though by, um, destroying themselves and labelling themselves unelectable. The Lib Dems are still a party apparently and UKIP, jealous of Labour’s infighting, resorted to, well, physically fighting, with Nigel Farage returning to his role as party leader more times than a particularly bad case of genital herpes.
The US have excelled even us with their recent stupidity this year however, by taking the concept of Top Trumps far too literally and making the narcissistic psychopath, Donald Trump, a presidential front runner. The bouffanted buffoon has stormed into second place in the polls by promising to build walls and bragging about being rapey. Trump and his poisonous, devisive rhetoric as President is not what the US needs in a time of Police state style shootings of black people for being black and growing tensions with Russia.
Over seas in Syria thousands of men woman and children are being massacred by ‘smart’ bombs being dropped by every country with an army and tensions in The Middle East caused by the rise of ISIS and war in general has displaced millions of people looking for a better and safer life.
Meanwhile in the west there was a massive public outpouring of sympathy. Not for the humanitarian crisis happening on our doorstep and beyond, but for an ape that was killed in a Cincinnati zoo.
It’s not all been doom and gloom in 2016 though, a game called Pokémon Go! Got our obese teenagers out of there houses and pounding the pavements for an hour one Saturday a couple of months ago.
