The world was rocked to the core today after an Amnesty International report revealed that Thailand’s military junta, otherwise known as “the government”, tortures pretty much everybody.

“Really? First I’ve heard of it.” Said Faisal bin Hassan Trad, Saudi Arabia’s Ambassador to the UN and Chair of the United Nations Human Right’s Council while taking the top off his pen. “What precisely were they doing?”

We explained that in one instance a journalist was tied up and sealed in a barrel with a large, carnivorous poisonous lizard. He replied by saying;

“That’s a new one on me. Did it work?”

Thailand’s military junta, or government as it is otherwise known, banned Amnesty International and employees of several embassies from discussing the findings of the report in public by threatening them with arrest under Thailand’s labour laws.

Apparently the visas they have which allow them to live and work in Thailand don’t cover reading documents in public which are critical of the Junta, and General Prayeth Chan-ocha in particular.

No lizards were hurt in the writing of this article.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.