The winner of this year’s Dyson James Dyson Boffin Admired By Dyson’s James Dyson Award, is Isis.

No, not the naughty middle eastern twerps, a boffin whose name is Isis Schiffer.

Ira, sorry I mean Isis, invented a paper bicycle helmet that folds up.

“I would often arrive in a new city and want to cycle but didn’t want to spend $30 on a helmet,” said Eta, sorry I mean Isis, “so I invented a helmet made of paper that will cost less than $5!”

So, it’s made out of paper, Val-Qaeda- sorry, Isis- like ordinary paper?

“Ah, but paper is strong in a honeycomb pattern,” explained Marge-ahideen- sorry, I mean Isis-“and it was tested during the summer and found to be very solid.”

During the summer. Hmm.

Movement for Oneness and Jihad in West Africa- sorry I mean Isis – hopes to use her £45,000 prize money to launch the paper hat in SPRING.

It’s pissing it down in Rochdale by the way, how would your flipping paper hat work here, eh?

My invention, a cigarette umbrella, was ignored by the way. Apparently people who are aware of weather aren’t good enough!

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When the aeons of war left the gods dead and the universe decimated, a single duck rose from the ashes and stood for justice and freedom! It wasn't me, that duck, but we look quite bit alike.