With all the scientific rigour of a hippy Merlin with a bone through his nose, the BBC headlines recently included the assertion that the herb rosemary really does help memory.
A study, which was almost as scientific as a homeopathic chemtrail book, found that between 4-7% of people in the test on children showed improvement in memory.
Given that there were 40 kids that means almost 2.8 kids showed an improved memory.
Yogurt weavers across the nation are delighted.
“See, I told you that that science, that I don’t believe in when it doesn’t go my way, would prove it.” said Stormcrow Snapdragon, a naturopath from Stoke, “4-7% is a massive result! Nearly three children! It’s a marvelous result for folk medicine! But just because the success rate of vaccinations is several orders larger doesn’t mean I will let those medically trained doctors near my kids!”
Doctor Martin Frawd PhD, a lecturer in Witchcraft, ley-lines and homeopathic chiropractic from the world infamous Rochdale Community University was similarly over the moon.
“I think it’s time the educational community reopened its mind to the possibilities of pseudoscience that’s been verified by dodgy studies.” he told us. “What better lesson can we give our kids in their search for knowledge than the truthiness of stuff that was mentioned in a Shakespeare play? That’s dead highbrow, that is.”
Meanwhile, one of those closed-minded science boffins who studied proper stuff at an accredited university, and keeps up to date on actual research said “Oh for fuck’s sake!” before hanging up.
“I think this is where the money in education should be going.” a Government education spokestwat said, “Instead of investing huge amounts of money in more teachers and schools and lowering the class sizes so that children get more help in their learning, we should be investigating whether burying exercise books under a new moon whilst dancing widdershins with a feather up one’s arse might improve results. That and this smelling leaves thing. It’s a sure winner.”
Any hope that the BBC will stop it’s downward spiral into Daily Mailness is dead but perhaps if you send it positive vibes through the web of wyrd it might all get better.
