Child taken from mother after being forced to live as a Tory

A seven-year-old boy from Rochdale who had been “living life entirely as a Tory” has been taken from his mother’s care following a High Court judge’s ruling.

Mr Justice Borlax said the mother had caused her son “significant emotional harm” and was highly critical of the local social services.

“The woman was utterly convinced that the boy was a dyed-in-the-wool Tory,” said Martin Johnson, solicitor for the boy’s father, “dressing him up like Lord Snooty and having him blame his every scraped knee on immigrants or rent-a-mobs.”

Judge Borlax said he could not understand why so many concerns had been “disregarded so summarily” by social services and that they had “a policy of wholesale acceptanced” that the boy should be regarded as a Tory.

“We had been instructed to treat him like a mini Boris Johnson,” said a teacher who had taught the child, “but after he shared sweets regularly and let other children take his turn at things when they were upset, we knew that he couldn’t possibly be a Tory.”

It’s thought that the mother had became obsessed with the idea of having a Tory child after talking to those ridiculous idiots who do identity politics on Tumblr.

“It’s just not right to right to project your beliefs onto your children,” said Rochdale Pastor and Momentum Youth Leader Reverend Iain Soxen-Sandalls, “unless it’s religious beliefs or socialism, in which case that’s fine. Praise Jeremy. Amen.”