Lifestyle

A newly published report shows that 55% of the British public are tossers. Professor Onan Offtherist from the Rochdale Institute of Masturbatory Studies told us "We have proven that 11 out of 20 people you...

Research has found that the average bloke considering buying his wife lingerie this Christmas should probably not. "For a start, most blokes buy scarlet nylon things that no woman who already has a bloke would...

A disgraced Northerner has been barred from ever returning to the South, after he humiliated his sister at a bourgeoisie Cheese & Wine evening by bringing Kraft Slices as his artisanal choice. Northerner Gerry Ramsbuttocks...

At the Rochdale Herald it's all about mindfulness and self improvement in January. In that spirit, we take a look at 10 books you should read before you die: 1) Razzle, April, 1988, Snooker Loopy Edition. This...

A local cat, Elvis Snoogums, has spoken of his excitement as Christmas gets ever closer. Speaking exclusively to the Rochdale Herald Elvis told us, "Soon my yooman will be putting up the big green plaything...

A man from Rochdale has bought his nephew the gift of music for Christmas. Stan Still told us, "I've played in bands since I was 12 and think it's a great idea for kids to...

The UK's Health Secretary, Matt Hancock, has likened the nation's handling of the Coronavirus pandemic to the "Blitz spirit" which saw plucky Brits through the 2nd World War. The Rochdale Herald took to the streets...

Local businessmen had their collective cocks in a hoop at the news that an Artisan Market is to be launched in Rochdale. "Following Brexit all my existing artisans will have to return to Polatia and...

Grammar police call for tougher sentences Campaigners are calling for grammar errors to be punished with tougher sentences - especially for repeat offenders. "There is to much grammar errors at the moment," said a...

Shaving that's a little too aggressive, or done with dull blades, can produce irritants which can form a rash right round your Parliament area.    "What it is right, is I'm one of those Gillette...

Unbelievably, a Rochdale man has found the iron and ironing-board and pressed his Friday night drinking shirt, unaided. Last Friday, Alan Bloke (37) was due to meet his mates for a session when he...

Henry Charles Chomlomoly has been telling us how he's lost both his arms whilst out sledging. Harry told us, "Cripes, got up this morning and it was a white out so the kids wanted to...

Reports are emerging that a man in Rochdale has put his bins out. Stephen Dickinson of Fazzakerley Drive has put his green bin out on the kerb early to maximize social distancing. "It was the highlight...

A Rochdale man has told us how he has revised plans to do dry January and will now be doing reduced drinking January instead. Bill Board spent New Years Eve loudly telling friends and family...

Heavy drinking from breakfast till unconsciousness has won the top spot in a national survey to discover what makes Christmas so special for the British public. Narrowly beating 'Two days off work' and 'Getting an...

A group of scientists have today confirmed what we have all long believed, that autocorrect was inverted by a cult. Professor Gerald Wiley spoke to the Rochdale Herald about the results. "The number of epic fools...