Experts say this is the best way to get ahead in life

It’s January, which means you likely have nothing but mince pie dust in your pockets after buying your loved ones everything they didn’t need and pay day hasn’t arrived yet. But just how can you alleviate your financial woes? Life guru Rupert Devonshire advises the answer could have been staring you in the face this Christmas:

“There is one simple tried and tested solution deployed by children of wealth creators globally, and yet so many of the public overlook it. The simplest way to really take your investment portfolio up a notch is – inheritance.”

Devonshire first rose to prominence after the national press covered how he had managed to buy his first home aged just 20. His subsequent book “Move back home and lay that golden egg you silly goose” flew off the shelves as he advised aspiring home buyers how they could minimise their outgoings on rent by living at home.

The sequel, “Be a G: Gentrify” explained how with just a small loan from mum and dad you can buy up cheap properties before persuading Councillors over a round of golf at dad’s club to improve the area. For example by removing the late licence from the popular music venue on the same street.

“It’s just practical advice really,” says Devonshire, “it’s such a shame how many of the working class seem unable to grasp it. Perhaps if we brought back the 11+ at least some of them might?”

Devonshire’s wife, Millie, is currently writing her own compendium piece, which explains how if working class girls could only get their heads round inheritance and/or marriage, they will realise there is simply no need for them to parade around at the darts like common strumpets.

Like many satirists, Johnny Wapping accepts he is an arsehole, and thinks society could be better if we were all willing to accept what arseholes we are. If you see him on Facebook, why not ask if he's read the article?