A Burnley man has told us that he fears moves for more diversity will mean that people will be forced to marry outside of their immediate family.

Bill Board told us, “For years Burnley residents have married within their immediate families. That’s our tradition and we feel that it’s now under attack.”

Bill’s wife and sister, Orla Board told us, “People laugh at us but it’s quite handy. Whereas most people get together and have to learn what their partner likes; we didn’t have any of that. I already knew Bill doesn’t like onions but likes a blow job first thing.”

Bill told us, “It made meeting Orla’s parents for the first time really easy. I got in the car, drove around the block, got out and my parents were there. No difficult conversations or anything. And all it means is that you have to keep 1 out of every 4 kids locked in the loft of your house because they’re so horribly disfigured.”

Orla told us, “It’s our traditions and they’re under attack. Next they’ll be saying we shouldn’t marry cousins or even distant relatives. Well no way. It’s not for us. You can take your lefty Marxist diversity and shove it. If brother wants to marry sister then it should be allowed. It was good enough for people in the Bible and I don’t see you condemning Songs of Praise.”

It’s rumoured that residents will march in protest this weekend at the idea of marrying outside your immediate family.

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.