National News

Vulnerable homeless people are now being forced into longer begging hours to pay the newly introduced fines for begging. In another PR triumph for the Conservatives, Poole council has confirmed from next month anyone...

There are fears a Beluga Whale spotted swimming in the River Thames may be a Russian spy. The whale was spotted earlier this week and it was thought it may be lost but there...

Today sees the probable introduction of the new “Walter Mitty” law, which will make it a criminal offence for any individual to pretend to be a military veteran by wearing medals they have not...

Popular broadcaster and adventurist Ben Fogle has been declared an endangered species on Twitter after sustaining numerous headshots from people ridiculing his idea for singing to the Queen. The 46 year old, whose other good...

The Tory Party has today promised to abolish hospital parking charges by abolishing hospitals. Tory manifesto spokesman, Bill Board told us, "We've done our research and have concluded that the leading cause of hospital parking...

The UK Government has announced that it has appointed a new 'Lockdown Czar' to lead plans to lift the lockdown. Bill Board from Rochdale was given the job after collecting 20 bags of crisps...

A journalist at a Sheffield local newspaper has admitted that an entire article published in Friday's edition of the Sheffield Councilpleaser was constructed entirely from the frothings of the readership on the publication's forum...

Theresa May is to urge Tory delegates to get behind her theory that the Earth is actually flat. Mrs May is telling everyone they need to buy into her idea as there simply isn't time...

The Russian Government has urged all nations to refrain from interfering in its UK elections. A spokesman told us, "We are very worried about other countries meddling in the UK elections. How can you trust...

The Queen is said to be shocked that her accountants have invested heavily in Los Pollos Hermanos. The food chain, seen in the TV show, Breaking Bad is a front for a money laundering...

A woman who apparently believes she is the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom has been found wandering in Japan attempting to convince people she is really in charge. Japanese news media began reporting on...

People who are utter and complete bastards have confirmed that morning is the best time of the day.  Groundbreaking research by researchers at the Institute of Institutes has revealed that people who like to be...

The BBC's Question Time recording was cut short on Thursday after an audience member passed out from boredom during the recording. Filming of the BBC One show in Colchester town hall, in Essex, was suspended...

Our South Yorkshire correspondent Sebastian Wiesel recounts his experience of yesterday morning. "I was walking round Sheffield antiques quarter this morning, looking for a place for brunch. Following a delicious goat cheese omelette I emerged...

The country has breathed a sigh of relief after Wiltshire Constabulary indicated that they had not had to deploy their counter-terrorism unit, it has been confirmed. The confirmation follows the mystery illness that befell retired...

A car dealership Mike's Motors in Bolton said there were "lessons to be learned"after a careful and considerate driver was allowed to drive away with a BMW. A spokesperson for Mike's Motors said "we normally...