Local News

A Rochdale woman was surprised to learn that everything was fine despite being told by her husband "it'll be fine" 400 times a day for almost 15 years. The most recent incidence of everything working...

Rochdale's Indian youth have complained that there is a distinct lack of  late night 'English' takeaway food available in the town. "You know what it's like - you go out with your mates for a...

After an extensive search, the Burnley Council has decided that the town best suited to twinning with Burnley is Burnley itself. "We hired a consultant from Rochdale who suggested three towns, Trouduc in France, Klootzak...

Rochdale residents are said to be very excited by the prospect of house price rises for the first time in almost a century in post-apocalyptic Britain. "It's very exciting." A spokesman for Rochdale estate agency...

A Rochdale man is currently receiving counselling and treatment for first-degree burns after failing to give the correct answer to a blatantly loaded question posed by his wife. James Grossweiner, 52, was caught floundering shortly...

Barmy Council Imposes Blanket Blakey Ban Rochdale Metropolitan Borough Council have imposed a blanket ban on Segs, the popular metal footwear protector, following complaints from the janitorial team concerning damage caused to the newly laid parquet flooring...

A woman whose cats regularly rape strangers in bushes on nights out has insisted that her cats are like her children. Part time hairdresser Barbara Dickinson, 42 and a bit, insists that there is literally...

Medics were today called to Sports Direct at the Kingsway Shopping Centre in Rochdale after a member of the till staff collapsed in shock. Mary Jayne Watson (31) from the Falinge estate was working what...

The highly influential research and strategy group, Burnley Analytica, have been accused of unfairly influencing the, multi-pound Northern Pie Market. An undercover investigation, by Baked Goods Weekly, has unearthed astounding evidence of a conspiracy to...

It's been a fairly typical week for Rochdale's "MP" after he found himself at the centre of another embarrassing shit storm. In another in a series of decisions Simon has lived to regret, which have...

It seems that our writers are on form today.  One of our articles has apparently upset a section of our readers more than usual, to the point that one "Expert", when challenged, felt capable...

This year's celebrity flicker of Rochdale's Christmas light will be none other than high flying anti-Muslim racist bigots and all round general socialites, Paul Golding and his sidekick Jayda Fransen. In a night that's sure...

A Rochdale man has been admitted to a psychiatric hospital today after contracting racism from a close encounter with the Daily Mail.  Colin Nigelsson, a liberal from Broadfield Park has for years habitually used the...

A newborn baby is deliberately planning the most inconvenient time to either shit himself or start screaming for no reason. Lancashire-born newborn dickhead Barry Dickinson said; "It's all about timing, sleeping with one eye open...

A first time buyer has been explaining how stressful buying a house is to a man he met in a foodbank. Taylor Twyford-Twist was doing his weekly bit of virtue signalling, or charity work as...

A Burnley man has been explaining why he bought a Polaroid Camera over the weekend, used it to take 40 pictures of his own genitals and then handed them out to strangers on the...