Barmy Council Imposes Blanket Blakey Ban

Rochdale Metropolitan Borough Council have imposed a blanket ban on Segs, the popular metal footwear protector, following complaints from the janitorial team concerning damage caused to the newly laid parquet flooring in the council offices at their headquarters, Number One, Riverside.

Time was when everyone wore Blakeys; ‘Save ten times what you spend’, or so said the slogan. The advent of moon-boots in the 70s, along with a whole run of other flash-in-the-pan footwear fads that the public had little to no interest in saving and were more than happy to see languishing in the bottom of a dustbin,  meant that segs fell from fashion several decades ago. But a surge in Hipsterism has seen a revived interest in the archaic spikey metal boot and shoe protectors, along with a host of other ridiculous fashion accessories; stupid outsized beards, fake glasses, Belle and Sebastian CDs and numerous breakfast cerial themed bars and cafes springing up on Rochdale’s hip Esplanade quarter to name but a few. Unfortunately for the Hipsters on the Council, the ban means strictly no Segs in the office! The bare metal is playing havoc with the new flooring, and has caused some of the varnish to wear away completely, with some sections in more heavily Hipstered areas left in a splintered state.

Council workers however appear unlikely to take this lying down. UNISON member Ms G. Duffy told us : “This is an outrage, plain and simple. Never mind the cost of their floor, think about the cost of our footwear. Rochdale Metropolitan Council has some 11,000 employees, many of whom are union memebers, and most of whom wear shoes. Somebody has to pay for the upkeep and to offset general wear and tear. This is a blatant disregard of our rights as workers and users of not only footwear but floorings, and as such we have a say in what we choose to insert into the soles of our shoes”.

The story seems far from over; UNISON has the unreserved support of the TUC, the T&G the GMB and Amicus. This Monday, all of Rochdale’s 7,000 teachers are due to go out on strike indefinitely until the ban is lifted, and they are expected to be followed by the Police, Fire and Ambulance services.