U.S. military buys Viagra after being told troops need to “be hard”

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It has emerged this week that the U.S. military spend approximately £63 million annually on the popular medication which aids erectile dysfunction. This baffling finding raises all manner of questions, primarily; why? The result...

Meghan Markle’s mum ecstatic with trip to Paris courtesy of Duke of Edinburgh

Meghan Markle's mum, Doria Ragland is reported to be over the moon with the trip to Paris that the Duke of Edinburgh has given her. One source told us, "The Duke wanted to give Meghan's...

Outrage as American woman forced to wear hijab

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Supporters of Donald Trump's travel ban have been outraged by this picture of a white American woman who has been forced to wear a hijab. Although the identity of the woman remains unclear, it has...

DUP ask Merkel for one billion Euros to give her their support in Bundestag

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News broke this morning that the Northern Ireland political party, the DUP, has demanded one billion euros from Angela Merkel in order to support her CDU party in the Bundestag. It's believed Ms Merkel is...

German families to heat homes using hot air from Donald Trump

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German families are to use the hot air that emanates from Donald Trump to heat their homes. The news was broken by the German Government this afternoon following a successful meeting where POTATUS offered to...

President Trump recorded offering Mike Pence presidency in exchange for Trump family pardon ticket

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Leaked recordings of President Trump phoning vice president Mike Pence from a golf course appear to reveal the sitting president has offered Pence the presidency in exchange for a family pardon ticket. With the net...

White House denies that men in white coats are coming to take Trump away

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Electing Donald 'The Donald' Trump as their president was undoubtedly one of the most mystifying decisions made by the American people since changing the name of a Marathon bar to Snickers. That having been said,...

Donald Trump commemorative jigsaws to have missing pieces by design

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The White House has confirmed that the new range of Trump jigsaw puzzles, commemorating the President's achievements in office, are deliberately missing several pieces. The release of the puzzles is timed to capitalise on Trump’s...

What could possibly go wrong, asks West

Western leaders have suggested that nothing could possibly go wrong by attacking Syria and this time will definitely be different to Iraq, Afghanistan and Libya because, you know, reasons. Politicians are completely sure that bombing...

Trump claims fitness app data proves he has more troops than Kim Jong-Un

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President Donald Trump told the world that "there's nobody better than me on the military" last night as he ushers in new era of transparency for the Pentagon. As the war of words with North...

We tried democracy and frankly it’s not for us, Spanish government tells voters

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The Prime Minister of Spain has told voters that democracy isn't for them and it refuses to recognise the result of a referendum on Catalonian independence. Catalonia, which is Spain's answer to Scotland, has...

UN tells Goodwill Ambassador to fuck off

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After a record low of zero days in the job, the new UN Ambassador, whose job it would've been to generally spread love and harmony all over the place has been given the right...

Emperor Trump appoints frog-faced racist as UK ambassador to US

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In a bold show of complete disregard for the sovereignty of British Parliament, his highness emperor Trump has appointed a well-known and unelected frog-faced racist called Nigel as UK ambassador to the US. Brexiteers are...

Women remain underrepresented amongst Taliban leadership

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It has been revealed that women remain underrepresented amongst the leadership of the Afghan terrorist group the Taliban. An internal review carried out by the Taliban, and leaked to the media, shows that at...

Trump demands resignation of Dow Jones

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White House sources reveal alleged serial sex offender, proven serial failed businessman and currently failing POTUS Donald J Trump has called for the head of Dow Jones. "Just who the hell does this Jones think...

Short range nuclear missiles made available to American public in bid to reduce gun...

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Following a series of atrocities in the United States over the weekend in which more than twenty five members of the public were shot and killed the government has announced dramatic reforms to curb...
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