Boris Johnson launches ‘Free Robert Mugabe’ campaign

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The campaign is headed up by Boris Johnson who is thought to believe that if it's successful he could be the leader of Zanu PF. Failing that, he could be Conservative Party leader. One aide,...

Jeremy Corbyn announces plans to nationalise the Glastonbury Music Festival

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Standing on the Pyramid stage at Glastonbury, Jeremy Corbyn had a Eureka moment. "If all these bloody people can afford to come here at these prices they must all be bloody rich as Croesus.  Let's...

Christmas ruined as Santa fails CRB check

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Christmas may be cancelled as Santa has failed to get his CRB check renewed. The revelation came last night when a Government Spokesperson said, "Santa didn't get his CRB check in in time. He submitted...

Civilised countries don’t gas civilians, they shoot them with AR-15s bought over counter at...

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The US has told a UN Security Council meeting that the recent chemical attack on Syria is completely unacceptable.  Responding to reports of an incident in Douma in which dozens of people are reported to...

Fears grow for BBC Explorer missing in Oldham

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The alarm was raised today after BBC documentary maker and explorer Professor Robert Falcon failed to emerge from Oldham after missing his rendezvous with the armoured extraction convoy, the 48 bus, by three hours. The...

Muslim women swap burkas for Stig costumes to appeal to middle aged white men

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A new experimental initiative has seen numerous British Muslim women swap their traditional full face veils for an outfit made popular by Top Gear's "The Stig." The aim of the trial is to make both...

Tim Nice But Dim appointed UK Ambassador to the EU

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In a surprise move Theresa May has appointed Tim Nice But Dim UK Amabassador to the EU.

Man attends Halloween party dressed as cyclist

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A Rochdale man has won a Halloween fancy dress competition after turning up dressed as a cyclist. Bill Board, 35 arrived at pal Stan Still's Halloween party on Saturday night dressed in a cycling...

Wayne Rooney moves from second best team in Manchester to second best team in...

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Thatched-roofed footballer Wayne Rooney was yesterday given away by the second best team in Manchester to the second best team in Liverpool. He moves from Manchester United, a once formidable team, who managed to...

UK disqualified from piss up in a brewery world championship

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After the snap, crackle and pop election called by Theresa May has resulted in a hung parliament, it's clear that the repercussions reach further than the political world. So far indeed that the UK...

“We can’t stop Brexit without a strong opposition”, says old hippy who keeps forgetting...

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Jeremy Corbyn has taken time out from his busy schedule of avoiding anybody not singing, "Oh, Jeremy Corbyn" to prove he's still alive and he is in fact the opposition. Mr Corbyn appeared after definitely...

Being interviewed about your job is a bit like being raped, says chinless toad

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The United Kingdom has apologised "unreservedly" for making Michael Gove a Cabinet Minister after he compared being raped to being a bit like being politely asked questions about his job during an interview on Radio...

Melania did not have sex with horrible old men for money admits Daily Mail

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The Daily Mail have gone on the record today to say that Melania Trump did not and never has had sex with any horrible old men for money. "Melania has definitely never had sex with...

ISIS claim responsibility for self-service checkouts

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So called 'Islamic State'  have claimed responsibility for supermarket self service checkouts. A statement released by ISIS said they came up with the idea after witnessing a man have a melt down with a vending...

Trump to release fresh evidence that Obama shot JR

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The so-called "President" of the United States has ordered the CIA release all of the files relating to the attempted assassination of Texan oil baron JR Ewing more than 37 years after the incident. The...

‘Deadly viruses don’t kill people, people kill people,’ claims Ebola

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In a bid to improve its reputation as one of the world's most lethal pathogens, the Ebola virus has today sought to shift the blame for its deadly effects onto people. The virus, which was...
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