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Engineers have said it is unlikely they will be able to restore the chimes of Big Ben in time for New Year's Eve. Chief Engineer Kevin Phillips-Bong told us "We have a problem with...

The Department for Transport has today revealed that its works to upgrade sections of the M6 and M1 to 'Smart' motorways have taken so long that they have passed through Smart and into 'Rather...

Jeremy Corby has announced plans to shake up the media and make it more sympathetic to him and the Labour Party going forward. The plans were announced today by the most glorious, principled, caring...

After a thorough and totally independent investigation by the Government, the Government has found that it is indeed right for the Government to spy on everyone, just as the Government has said all along. The...

Students at Maple Hayes Dyslexia Scool in Lichfield have been celebrating incredible GCSE exam success. While many students couldn't read or write when they first attended the school almost 25% achieved A* to C grade...

A large group of noisy twats on a train from London to Yorkshire are apparently unaware that they are all colossal twats. The group, who appear to be actors in their mid twenties, have been...

A recent poll has revealed that this once loved insult has seen a sudden decline in use, and could be completely extinct by the year 2025. For years, the simple hand gesture was a staple...

Donald Trump has been asked to give up golf as he is tarnishing its reputation and attracting the wrong type of people into the game. Fat, white, affluent, vaguely racist, middle-aged golfers are appalled...

The Ecuadorian embassy has reached out to 10 Downing Street from its Knightsbridge address to tell Ms May, "We are here if you need us". The Ecuadorian embassy gained national fame in the UK on 19...

As you stagger to the bathroom in the morning, arriving before you remember you have knees, and try to get all your strikingly yellow piss in the bowl, even though you're a woman, it's...

A man from Bury in Lancashire has deliberately and purposefully clicked on a pop up ad that covered the entirety of the content he was trying to view. "I couldn't believe it," said Wesley Peabody,...

People up and down the country will be able to show their loved ones how much they care by buying gift vouchers for NHS treatments as of Christmas 2020. "Obviously healthcare is going to be...

The Daily Mail has exclusively revealed that British youth is causing cancer. In its article on the subject the Mail pointed out that British youths lack of home ownership, lack of interest in house prices...

The Labour Party has announced a new policy that will allow young people to get stabbed on night buses much more cheaply. Labour spokesman, Stan Still said, "Under the Tories young people have increasingly been...

Scores of young, underpaid trainee journalists have been drowsily typing up their reviews of the night tube over the last two mornings as their editors sleep in.? "It's the frigging tube but later," said talented...

Rochdale Labour voter Kyle Henderson has told the Herald how his sciatica was cured after he hugged Jeremy Corbyn at a Labour election rally. Mr Henderson has spent the past 3 years unable to straighten...