Sturgeon Calls for Scots Independence to save British Lions Tour

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Nicola Sturgeon has called for IndyRef2 to be brought forward to save the British Lions Tour to New Zealand. Speaking in the aftermath of Scotland's 61:21 tubbing at the hands of England Ms Sturgeon said; "It...

World in shock as man with history of taking steroids runs faster than bloke...

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The World is in shock today after a bloke who has a well documented history of taking performance enhancing drugs ran a bit faster than a bloke who doesn't.

Judd Trump To Change Name By Deed Poll

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Snooker player Judd Trump has announced that he is to change his name by deed poll following a series of incidents whereby people saw his surname and associated him with SCROTUS Donald Trump. “It’s been...

Venus Williams says most recent car insurance quote inspired her Wimbledon run

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Venus Williams has revealed that she was inspired to her Wimbledon final appearance by her most recent car insurance quote. Speaking after finishing runner up, Ms Williams 37, told the Herald, "Yeah it's good right now....

All your medals belong to us – Says China

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As the country basks in the glory of Team GB's second place in the Olympic medal table, China released a press statement saying, "The People's Republic of China wishes to congratulate the British team for...

Ben Stokes argues fighting in street a necessary part of training to tour Australia.

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All-rounder and England vice-captain Ben Stokes may have put his part in England's ashes tour in jeopardy following his arrest in the early hours of Wednesday morning having been involved in a street brawl...

Theresa May pledges to not remain silent on pee in swimming pools

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Prime Minister Theresa May has pledged to not remain silent on the growing problem of pee in swimming pools highlighted in a shock report released earlier this week. "Clearly this something that previous administrations have...

Froom wins fourth Tour de Rochdale

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Albert Froom was declared the winner of the Brown Vest yesterday after winning his fourth Tour De Rochdale. The famous bicycle race starts at The Duckworth Arms in Ramsbottom and ends The Bay Horse in...

Britain begins cheap cocaine and animal abuse phase of lockdown easing

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The Government has announced that horse racing can begin again from today.  A spokesman said, "From today people will be able to gather in groups of 6 in their garden and watch the horse racing....

Spanish bullfighters win inaugural Animal Cruelty World Cup

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Spain’s bullfighters have won the inaugural Animal Cruelty World Cup in Brazil, narrowly beating the foxhunters of England in the final. The competition, in which teams from different countries competed to inflict the maximum...

Norway’s female football team found in cocaine-fuelled strip club romp

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Just hours after the Norwegian football association ruled that female footballer's pay must be brought in line with that of the men's, the entire Norwegian national women's squad has been discovered in a debauched...

GBBO causes football fracas

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It has been revealed that last night's violence at the London stadium was caused when West Ham fans chanted the name of the Bake Off winner. Knowing full well that Chelsea fans had it...

“Curling is so boring I needed vodka Red Bulls to stay awake” says banned...

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As the Olympic curling competition reaches its 14th straight day, Russian athlete Alexander Krushelnitsky has tested positive for the stimulant RedBull and been banished from the games. As viewers all over the world struggle...

British man understands American football

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A man from Newquay in Cornwall has revealed that he actually understands American football. With the BBC proclaiming that the Monday after the Hyperbole, or whatever it's called, is "national sickie day", The Rochdale Herald...

Study finds Manchester United fans have smallest penises

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A new survey of football fans has discovered that Manchester United fans have significantly smaller penises than men who follow other teams. "It's not just the size" said knob measuring boffin Dr Klopp of Rochdale's...

Mighty England’s thrilling World Cup opener – Yeah right!

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England's opening match of the World Cup campaign was as dull as ditchwater proving that the news of Joe Hart's transfer from Man City to Torino on loan isn't because of his love of...
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