Sport

Racquetball superstar Andy Murray today spoke of how his charisma-free personality brings all the girls to his yard. Murray, whose public speaking manner is so mind-numbingly tedious that renowned impressionist Alastair MacGowan famously fell asleep...

Bernie Ecclestone's brave gamble with Brazilian kidnappers backfired spectacularly last night when his Mother-in-Law was released fit and well from her 9 day captivity. Formula 1 owner Ecclestone had resolutely refused to negotiate with the...

Snowboarding bronze medallist Billy Morgan carried the EU flag instead of the Union Jack at the Winter Olympics closing ceremony on Sunday. Morgan, 28, won bronze in the men's big air on Saturday to take...

The prima-donna XI, also known as the England National football team, have confirmed that they will take to the pitch against Germany this Friday, displaying the poppy. However poppies up and down the country have...

28.2E Astra2/Eurobird1 may not mean anything to most people, but it is very much in the minds of worried Rochdale residents who have recently learned that the high-tech TV satellite is expected to fall...

As the Olympic curling competition reaches its 14th straight day, Russian athlete Alexander Krushelnitsky has tested positive for the stimulant RedBull and been banished from the games. As viewers all over the world struggle...

Charlotte Dujardin became the second woman to win three Olympic gold medals today when she came first in the "Horse Dancing" contest this afternoon. A "close personal friend" of cyclist Laura Trott, who became...

The sporting world is in disarray this morning after an unbeaten professional boxer won a boxing match against a bloke who hadn't had a go at boxing before. "I'm pretty shocked actually." Some bloke who...

Records have been tumbling all week at the very first running of The Vegan Olympics taking place in Turkey. The first big record smashed was by American athlete, Slim Jim Tomkins who successfully lifted both...

Football fans worldwide embrace each other in collective schadenfreude In their smart new uniforms designed by Hugo Boss, Germany's topsporters had been confident of a victory over the World.  The pundits were confident, but it...

Statisticians today pointed to a 25% increase in Muslims appearing among the top four run scorers in the England cricket team.  "It appears the sneaky Islamists are obtaining access to the team by posing as...

The Football Association today launched an inquiry into what it described as 'very bizarre' wagers placed with bookies regarding recent matches. The FA spokesman, Brian Crosse-Barre, 97, said, "After bets were placed on Sutton United's...

There is widespread shock around England today after the English voting public voted 52% to 48% for the England football team to leave the World Cup despite making it into the semi-finals. Following the vote...

After a 112 year wait to prove how good we are at walking slowly around a park Britain's Justin Rose yesterday casually sealed gold for team GB. Normally only Britain only excels at events that...

Dragon philanderer, Ryan Giggs’ ex-wife Stacey Giggs, spoke of her excitement today as she is finally set to be awarded half of the Giggs estate in a huge ceremony in Cardiff. There will be a...

Man's best friend can now get even closer to the World Cup action. As Dogs will be allowed on the field during World Cup games.  Fifa announced today that during the World Cup, hosted by Russia, stray...