Science and Technology

Thousands of iPhone users around the globe were left feeling cheated this week as they eagerly awaited news of the latest model from technology giant Apple. Desperate to discover what their next upgrade will...

A Rochdale resident has discovered the existence of an NHS Test and Trace Centre on the surface of Venus. Scientists believe that the existence of such a centre to be linked to emissions observed...

Detailed plans of the Vanguard submarine and Trident nuclear defence system have been discovered in Haywood. It's not currently clear how the detailed specification drawings and 300 page dossier made its way into the Haywood fish bar,...

The World Wide Web is sulking after Facebook got its birthday wrong.  Facebook flooded feeds with celebratory posts on the 23rd of August claiming the Web was 25 years old on that date. "Bollocks! " the...

Following the release of a teaser for the upcoming Star Wars VIII documentary film, the BBC has been accused of heavy bias towards the rebel scum.  Recent Question Time programmes have featured panels heavy with...

A team of scientists from Rochdale Community University have confirmed after years of extensive research that builder's tea is, in fact, just tea. Clarence Tetley, lead beverage researcher at the University's world famous Brew Institute,...

Following the first few weeks of January and the continuation of celebrity deaths, alternative facts and general shitwittery we were granted an exclusive interview with 2017 itself. In a world first we spoke to the...

Labour to part-nationalise BT as a quick way of getting their broadband fixed. After five engineer visits, four no-shows and five hours calling BT, Labour has concluded that they were more likely to get their...

South African science lunatic & suspected wizard Elon Musk has turned his attentions to what he calls "mankind's greatest untapped resource". A spokesperson for Mr Musk, who has made astonishing breakthroughs in other forms of...

The Irish government and their opposition are in agreement that they shouldn't have to tax corporations after an EU court suggested that perhaps Ireland shouldn't have allowed Apple to pay less in tax than...

Scientists at the Laval University in Quebec have intercepted what they believe to be a message from extraterrestrials. The message was received encoded in modulations of the brightness of certain heavenly bodies and appears to...

Scientists from the Institute For Politicised Childhoods have announced the results of extensive testing, on toddlers, in laboratories. "They're all Conservatives, by and large." Dr. Bee Levermen revealed. "We had this hypothesis and we set...

The winner of this year's Dyson James Dyson Boffin Admired By Dyson's James Dyson Award, is Isis. No, not the naughty middle eastern twerps, a boffin whose name is Isis Schiffer. Ira, sorry I mean Isis,...

Anthropologists working at the University of Bath today released a study which they claim demonstrates that the human race appears to be separating into two distinct species. They also point out that, for one of...

Scientists at the renowned Rochdale Community University's Social Physics department announced the discovery of a new energy source today. “We discovered that the heat radiated by the self-righteous when they're offended could supply most of...