Politics

With the Conservatives promising a return of hunting foxes all over the nation face having to run from a vicious pack of slobbering, howling posh twats on horses and their beagles. It is an unpopular idea, but...

Put your hands on the car and get ready to die. Home Secretary Amber Rudd confirmed today that the Police and Criminal Evidence Act (PACE) 1984 has been updated to include a right to dispense...

Refugees will be welcome to Great Britain providing they are dead, under a new scheme announced by the Home Office. The new measures, expected to be introduced in the autumn, will automatically approve any asylum...

The polls that are currently condemning Jeremy Corbyn to fail once predicted success for the socially inept, humanoid shaped play doh figure, Ed Millibland.  It's not the first time the polls have been wrong and...

Boris Johnson has today reprimanded Conservative Party Members for attempting to organise a coup and not asking him to join in. In his message, he urged Tories to get behind May, presumably to make...

Unelected ghost of Thatcher, Theressa May, Prime Minister, announced the news earlier today; "The ballot will be simple" she said. "There's three boxes, soft, medium or hard." A full explanation of the options are available...

Amber Rudd announced plans today to crack down on the current outbreak of human compassion sweeping the country. Compassion has been on the rise recently after a series of disasters have brought communities together to...

The Chancellor of the Exchequer is set to announce that the job retention scheme, which sees those workers furloughed by their employer receive 80% of their wages from the government, will be replaced by...

David Davis is to take a back seat in the upcoming Brexit negotiations, having decided that a two year old called Davis Davis from Rochdale would do a better job of getting the best...

Nathan Barley led calls today for clean shaven white twats to “take responsibility for their community.” “It is imperative, at this time of national crisis, for us to be clear that not all white twats...

Theresa May has finally been able to speak to President-elect Donald Trump after 24 hours on hold listening to elevator music.

MP Sarah Champion, permed badger and former/current shadow Minister of Preventing Abuse and Changing One's Mind, unresigned today in what the Guardian and Owen Costello Smith are calling"definite proof that nobody trusts or likes...

Brexit Party MEPs have apologised to their racists after accidentally turning to face Mecca as the European Parliament returned. "It was an honest mistake and it won't happen again." Part time alcoholic and full time...

The annual gathering of UKIP, scheduled for 16th September, will now not go ahead reports say. "We have been watching the racism and general xenophobia of the Conservative conference very closely," said Arnold Goering, a...

Astrologer to the stars Professor Brian Cox has finally come clean about his greatest fib told way back in 1993.