Labour confirms 2018 party conference will be held in Mecca

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The Labour Party has denied accusations of ‘Muslim appeasement’ at its annual conference in Brighton, after several eagle-eyed observers noticed that its conference banner featured an image of a mosque. People from both sides of...

Boris tweets ‘I’m safe’ after car crash interview

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Britain's comedy foreign secretary, Boris “The Bewildered” Johnson, is lucky to be alive and well, tweeting “I’m safe!” just moments after his disastrous interview with Eddie Mair. “What is the point of the Prime Minister?” A...

Female Russian athletes call 2018 Winter Olympics ban ‘a real kick in the nuts’

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The Russian Olympic Committee has reacted angrily to its ban from next year's Winter Olympics in South Korea, with female athletes in particular calling the move 'a real kick in the nuts'. The ban comes...

Well I’ve never caught anything off my kids before, Facebook mum lies

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Before 2020, Rochdale mum Di Coughlan had rarely posted anything other than pictures of her adorable children and grimacing husband.  That all changed a couple of months ago, when a new profile filter "#Stay...

Greta Thunberg named Time’s Person of the Year for stopping Coldplay touring

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Greta Thunberg has won Time magazine's Person of the Year for her work in stopping Coldplay from touring. Thunberg said, "All of my life there has been this elephant in the room. Something nobody wants...

Trump says he didn’t sexually assault 3.52 billion other women

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Bewigged bouffant buffoon, Donald J. Trump, an actual potential president, made the claim at his latest rally. The tiny handed eater of souls came under heavy criticism for a string of alleged sexual offensives from...

American lawmakers to submerge Donald Trump in barrel of water to see if he...

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It was announced today via The USA news site that Donald Trump will be immersed in a barrel of water to see if he floats. The operation is part of what are called ‘Presidential Witch...

Basil Brush on the defensive as police release CCTV image of ‘Croydon Cat Killer’

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Television celebrity Basil Brush has been forced to reject allegations that he is responsible for the gruesome deaths of over 400 cats across London and the Home Counties.  Earlier today, the Metropolitan Police announced that it was...

UK in shock after Corbyn refuses to answer trick question

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Big news! Corbyn, asked if the UK will leave the EU "come hell or high water" if he becomes PM, refused 6 times to say "yes". When asking their stupid question and cynically leaping on...

Apology

In last Wednesdays edition, in the article 'Susan Boyle to sing Dead Kennedys 'Too Drunk To F@ck' at Trump Inauguration', we incorrectly referred to Ms Boyle as being 'aka The Hairy Cornflake'. This was...

Jeremy Corbyn to produce next Stormzy album.

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It has been confirmed that Jeremy Corbyn will be producing the next Stormzy album. The album will be produced in a reclaimed timber shed on Corbyn’s allotment patch. It is also expected to be made...

Beautiful young women on trial to be judged by ugly middle aged women in...

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A new selection process has been announced for assigning judges to trials, taking into account both gender and aesthetics. This move will see all beautiful young women judged in future by ugly middle-aged women,...

British Homeopathy Association to strike over watered down labelling

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The British Homeopathy Association has announced a planned strike over government plans to label their medication as being ‘useless’. The head of the British Homeopathic Association announced the move. There will be a .00000001 second strike...

Hillary Clinton’s ‘Human Suit’ malfunctions at 911 memorial service

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The Presidential frontrunners cybernetic 'human suit' momentarily glitched at the recent 911 memorial service at ground zero yesterday, the third time this has happened on the campaign trail in the last two months. The cold...

Conservative MPs unable to point to their constituency on a map

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A recent survey has revealed that a staggering 89% of Tory MPs are unable to findtheir constituency on a map. The survey results, which were released to the Rochdale Herald today, show that only 11%...

Corbyn sharing platform with people he disagreed with to create peace, says man in...

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A man who is wearing a t-shirt that reads "Hang the Tories" is insisting that Jeremy Corbyn is an example to everybody for his willingness to share a platform with people he disagrees with...
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