Other News

In response to the recent awful church shooting, the question has to be, why can’t everyone have guns? If everyone was armed this wouldn’t have happened. We need guns in our pockets. We need...

In response to UNICEF’S report today forecasting child starvation in 2017, senior Tories have pledged to eat less. Peasant. Goose. Equine tartare and literally millions of snails have welcomed the news. David Cameron, puzzling over a...

An offshoot of the Kawahiva people of the Amazon, only recently discovered, are revealed to be remarkably aware of Jeremy Hunt, the health secretary. "Our culture reveres the position of shaman - a wise man...

Boris Johnson, Michael Gove, Jacob Rees-mogg and Owen Patterson have volunteered to carry May’s throne to the shoreline for her, before setting it in the sands and retreating so May can take her seat. She will then start screaming at the sea.

The UK has today agreed with former UKIP leadership challenger Suzanne Evans when she said the party needed an image change. Preferably to a less ghastly parody of the KKK.  Interviewed by the BBC, Ms...

Speaking in Chesterton Park, near Stoke yesterday, Nigel Farage announced that he has “reluctantly” returned to front-line politics by launching the Nigel Farage Party. “I was rather enjoying retirement,” Mr Farage guffawed disarmingly, “spending more...

A bloke whose job it was to piss off two tonne bulls managed to piss off a two tonne bull to the extent that it squashed him in Lisbon earlier today. Fernando Quintela, 26, got...

A recent survey has revealed that a staggering 89% of Tory MPs are unable to findtheir constituency on a map. The survey results, which were released to the Rochdale Herald today, show that only 11%...

Theresa May has been responding to calls to cancel the Trump state visit during a press conference today. Responding to criticism that the invitation for the state visit was extended too early the Prime Minister...

Rochdale residents with a taste for black pudding were left fearing for the future as Bury announced plans to leave the Lancashire Economic Community. The LEC, which allows for free trade between all...

"I'm pleased to have played my part though I won't be joining camp for dinner. I'm stuffed."

As the nights draw in and the last of the pre-winter rituals of ‘Children Demanding Sweets by Menaces’ night, ‘Throwing Fireworks at Cats’ night and ‘Outing Traitors Not Wearing a Red Flower’ day are...

President Donald J. Trump will keep his promise not to come in the world’s mouth and insisted he would squirt his emissions onto the neck and face instead. “Melania hates the taste of my goodly...

All at the Herald are devastated said Doris the tea lady.

Bank of England catastrophe juggler, Mark Carney, made no change to interest rates this lunchtime. Rochdale savers wondering exactly what this means have had things explained by local financial whizzkid, Imran Stockdale: "Currently your savings accrue...

On behalf of the Daily Mail, we would like to wish all our readers a very Happy Christmas. Or if they don't celebrate Christmas, season's greetings, delivered without chagrin. For it is the season to...