BBC to replace Great British Bake off with The Super English Cake Off

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I resent the implication - said an angry Tracy Naylor, head of food entertainment at the Beeb who had agreed to meet me in this quiet city centre pub; "Look, Cake Off was huge and...

Katie Hopkins hospitalised after choking on apology to Muslim

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Katie Hopkins was driven slowly to hospital yesterday after choking on the word "sorry" while typing a court ordered apology to the Mahmoud family.

Department Responsible For Brexit Does A Flit

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Following heavy criticism for having achieved sweet Fanny Adams in the numerous months since its creation, workers at the Department for Exiting the European Union were staggered this morning when they arrived at their...

Cholera stricken Yemenis welcome arrival of western homeopaths

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Authorities in Yemen have welcomed the arrival of western homeopaths in its battle against a recent Cholera outbreak. Larisa Ahmad told us, "We welcome the arrival of western homeopaths to Yemen. They will be useful...

Petition for Piers Morgan to self isolate reaches 16.14m signatures

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A petition for Piers Morgan to self isolate has reached 16.14 million signatures. The petition, which has recieved support from across the world, has nothing to do with Coronavirus or Covid19. People just need a break...

Robots refusing cyber attack vaccine due to autism fears

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The UK's robots have told the Government that they will refuse a vaccine that provides protection from computer viruses, over fears it could cause autism. Speaking from a car factory in Sunderland Gary West told...

University of Life wondering where all its economics graduates came from.

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The University of Life has expressed surprise at the number of people on Facebook claiming to have studied there and who are suddenly experts on economics. Vice-Chancellor and senior lecturer on vice, Bob Logg, told...

A politician’s ex definitely unbiased source, insist BBC 

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To prove they're balanced and fair, the BBC have asked Jeremy Corbyn's ex wife for her totally independent and unbiased view on the Labour Leadership challenge. "There's no reason to think that the previous partner...

I have no idea what’s going on, says Will of the People

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The infamous Will of the People has finally been outed by Rochdale Herald researchers. His real name is Will Fallfrit, and he has opened his heart to the Herald. Will Fallfrit is a pleasant if...

Diane Abbott suspended from Labour Party for calling Tory Front Bench ‘crackers’

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Labour Shadow Home Secretary, Diane Abbott, has been suspended from the party after it emerged she was accused of using a racist slur during a public discussion about the Conservative Government. Diane Abbott, the MP...

Trump accused of damaging reputation of fat, racist golfers everywhere

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Donald Trump has been asked to give up golf as he is tarnishing its reputation and attracting the wrong type of people into the game. Fat, white, affluent, vaguely racist, middle-aged golfers are appalled...

Sun reporter accused of posing as human being to secure Grenfell Tower interview

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A complaint is to be lodged after a Sun reporter allegedly attempted to secure an interview with a Grenfell Tower resident, by posing as a human being. Kate Matthews, 23, intends to file a complaint...

‘It’s pronounced KWINAH, you pretentious f*ckwits’ confirms Quinoa

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Middle class consumers were left reeling today after one of the much beloved 'super foods' they incessantly extol the virtues of confirmed that everyone has been pronouncing its name incorrectly. Long pronounced Keen-warh by people...

Corbyn’s speech was good but what have Cheesemakers done for me, asks man at...

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Jeremy Corbyn attended the Glastonbury festival today to deliver a speech to a crowd of thousands. The MP, short for the Messiah of the People, spoke to the crowd about the rights and responsibilities of...

Jacob Rees-Mogg late for PMQ’s because he couldn’t find anywhere to park his horse.

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Jacob Rees-Mogg apologised to the Prime Minster today, after arriving late for the PMQ’s at Westminster. Running over 25 minutes late; Rees-Mogg blamed the lack of hitching posts and parking places for his horse as...

Ryanair cancel 18,000 flights following huge increase in customer satisfaction

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Ryanair have announced the cancellation of 18,000 flights. The cancellations affect 40,000 people with many Rochdale residents hopeful they'll be affected. A spokesman for Ryanair said, "Sure, we thought cancelling loads of flights would have...
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