Health

The government’s “digital service”, a branch of the cabinet office and the one that was meant to protect the government’s computer systems against cyber attack, is apparently still using analogue equipment, the Rochdale Herald...

“Imagine if you could call that overbearing parent a proper Jeremy Hunt to their face? And you could do it all your life? Just get that stress out before it builds into an illness that blights your life.”

We've all heard of the dreaded Man Flu in our time, but a team of scientists in Rochdale have finally catalogued the full effects. “The slightest unpleasant exertion could prove instantly fatal,” head researcher Dr...

Rochdale resident Des Spondent, 46, was getting ready for work one dark morning when the mix-up occurred. The sores in his mouth miraculously healed, and the toothpaste caused a shiny, ultra-white light to come from...

In a shock move Sunday UK chancellor Philip Hammond, announced that his first budget on Wednesday will outline plans for a complete end to all funding for the National Health Service in an effort...

Authorities in Yemen have welcomed the arrival of western homeopaths in its battle against a recent Cholera outbreak. Larisa Ahmad told us, "We welcome the arrival of western homeopaths to Yemen. They will be useful...

Tracy O'Daffy of Middleton is heading a campaign to raise awareness of the dangers of vaccination throughout the Rochdale area. Tracy has been a long time 'Anti Vaxxer', meaning that she is strongly against vaccination...

Almost a quarter of the nation's hospitals have turned to stripping to make up for funding shortfalls, according to a new report. Commissioned by a group of Ralf Little fans and shared exclusively with the...

Thousands of smokers, who trusted NHS Smoking Cessation Therapies, were expressing their outrage this morning. The smouldering tempers result from the revelation that up to fifteen thousand children have been prescribed e-cigs, or vaping inhalers,...

The Prime Minister was taken into protective custody at a secure mental health unit this afternoon, for her own safety. A spokesperson for Meadows and Flowers, a clinic located on a small islet off the...

A casual cocaine user from Rochdale has accused the Bank of England of intentionally trying to injure and poison him with the new fiver. Nathan Webster 22, a cocaine fan from Rochdale, complained: "These new fivers...

A new cure has been unveiled by the NHS to stop people choking - looking at pictures of Jeremy Hunt. This seemingly controversial move actually has a firm basis in scientific fact. Dr Flo Ofair...

Rochdale Council has announced the removal of pedestrian crossings from in front of schools as early as next week. The decision comes in a week when it was announced that 98% of children in Britain...

Welsh UKIPper, Andrew “IQ not very” Haigh doesn't just sell bullshit through his party, it transpires. The national organiser for Wales also sells utter bollocks in physical form. Haigh runs a company called Vitalox that promises...

The UK government has announced that Covid-19 testing has now far surpassed the target figure, coming in at 1 million a day. Health Secretary, Matt Hancock, explained the new figures have been broadened to include...

Coca Cola have announced that the driver of their self-proclaimed ‘traditional’ Christmas Truck has been instructed to keep moving through the UK towns and cities that it visits to keep overweight and pre-diabetes children...