Crime

Television celebrity Basil Brush has been forced to reject allegations that he is responsible for the gruesome deaths of over 400 cats across London and the Home Counties.  Earlier today, the Metropolitan Police announced that it was...

Several women were arrested this morning following a verbal altercation outside Rochdale's women's institute.The women who can't be named for legal reasons are being held for questioning by Greater Manchester Police under new anti-misandry...

Documents leaked to Sky News showing that, should results be confirmed, UKIP have been misappropriating EU cash prove that the EU is dodgy, claimed Alf Hilter, president of Rochdale and Greater Manchester UKIP Appreciation...

We at the Rochdale Herald really liked this headline but couldn't think of a way of making even slightly believable. What follows is some made up tripe about a load of crap that makes no...

Paedophile sex pests across England and Wales are to be fitted with bells, in a new scheme announced by the police today. The new devices will be shackled to the necks, wrists, ankles and trouser...

Peter McCallister, has been found dead at the foot of his stairs within his home 671 Lincoln Avenue, Winnetka, Illinois. The Police are treating the death of father of five as suspicious. Detective Paul Simmons...

Rising crime rates and the falling numbers of policemen on the streets are just an amazing coincidence and are in no way related, sources within Downing Street revealed today. The news comes after the chief...

The time travelling duo, Marty McFly and Dr Emmett Brown, are currently being held in the custody of Sheriff James Strickland in Hill Valley, Northern California. Strickland said; "We pulled over a Delorean doing 87mph on the...

Men up and down the UK will now be sleeping with one eye open and replacing all the knives in the house with plastic picnic cutlery after the acquittal of Helen Titchener of Ambridge,...

The Duke of Edinburgh is reported to have become embroiled in a food poisoning compensation scam scandal today just hours after being discharged from King Edward VIIII's hospital in Battersea. The Duke is rumoured to...

Undercover Herald reporter Bazzer McNood has been sentenced to 15 months (suspended) plus a 20 hour Community Service Order for making lewd and obscene nuisance phone calls in contravention of the Communications Act 2003.   Mr McNood,...

Reports are coming in of a civil disturbance in London which has seen a mob of almost 40,000 white people chase a small group of black men through central London. Police and large numbers of...

A dickhead has died in a karmic avalanche after breaking into the home of a 78 year old.

The 49-year-old was today offered the position at the Old Bailey after an exhaustive selection process. Police say Choudary will now have a captive audience of followers in the UK. The judge, who described Choudary...

News is emerging from Belgium today that a wanker has punched a dickhead and the dickhead is in a serious condition with a bleed on the brain.

The most recent figures for the UK Prison Population gender gap show men getting sent down at record levels with women going down barely at all. As the number of prisoners hits 126,000 and...