Celebrity

Rochdale Community University Hospital was proud to announce the complete success of their most prestigious piece of cosmetic neurosurgery today. Originally described as a procedure to address severe epileptic seizures, Dr. Brian M. Bolism of the Department...

Piers Morgan has reportedly quit Good Morning Britain this week in order to reprise his award-winning role of Pigeon Lady in the Home Alone movie franchise. Following the success of the 1992 box office sensation...

In a move that is sure to delight anti-refugee groups throughout the country, the once amusing Northern 'comedian', Jason Manford shockingly kicked an aid worker from a wall today. The incident happened when Herald journalist,...

Daily Express readers were quite literally fuming yesterday after tall gammon icon and keen casual racist Jeremy Clarkson referred to Brexit voters as 'coffin dodging idiots'. The newspaper Facebook comments page was awash with furious...

Former East 17 Band member and serial own foot shooter Brian Harvey is said to be in trouble with the police over alleged malicious Tweeting. The runty Rottweiler once fronted the Poundland version of...

International media sensation, corpulent bearded sex symbol and father of the year, James Corden is to take the starring role in a planned new film of the life of UKIP leader and by-election failure...

The Pope has announced that Katie Hopkins will be made a saint shortly, after her reputation sadly died last week. Hopkins's reputation went into an irreversible decline following her defeat in a libel action bought...

Every Premier Inn in the country is changing their locks tonight, whilst Lenny Henry hosts Red Nose Day on the BBC. Mr. Henry was the face of Premier Inn for several years, until a loop...

With great regret, surgeons at Kings College London have released a statement confirming the successful operation to remove a rogue dog toy squeaker that had been mysteriously lodged in Jimmy Carr's windpipe for years. One...

Horse faced professional turd and former Daily Mail columnist Katie Hopkins has apparently been offered a new job by the GB olympic equestrian team. Katie, the former Apprentice contestant and Jungle evictee who lost her...

In a bid to expand on the non-gay male ice cream market, a new extreme sports cryogenic experience for man men is being launched. It will contain jalapeño peppers recorded at 15 million on the...

In what has been described as the most awkward Christmas gift ever; Jesus has been given an Ancestry UK DNA testing kit for Christmas. One onlooker said, "It was pretty awkward. I mean, Mary and...

Hip hop maestro and rap superstar, 30 Bob, from Milnrow Rochdale, was arrested last week on drugs charges we can exclusively reveal. In a statement he told us: "Aye, I got caught like. But we rappers...

The BBC has forced Sir Alan Sugar to allow everyone in the current series of The Apprentice to be given a job in the final episode to meet with its inclusive fairness policy. A change...

The news of Ed Sheeran’s accolade in the latest honours list has been greeted by mixed reactions. His fans have welcomed the news, but their grandparents have asked, “Who’s he then and what does he do?” See...

In an official statement released this afternoon, God has apologised for the ongoing massacre of talent this year, blaming it on recent pressure to beef up Heaven’s on-site entertainment. The statement, published on the Vatican...