National News

The World Irony Championship has been cancelled for 2017 after anti-Muslims calling themselves UK Against Hate held a march against extremism. “We normally wait until November but we'll be calling it early this time. There's...

With Burns Night suppers planned across Scotland tonight, people are gearing up for the annual celebration of everything it means to be Scottish: fine whisky, song, ceremony, Robert Burns and ruthlessly mocking the English....

Since 1919, on the second Sunday of November, otherwise known as Remembrance Sunday, a two minute silence has been observed at 11am at war memorials, cenotaphs, religious services and shopping centres throughout the country. Not...

With temperatures plummeting across the British Isles, many patriotic politicians are complaining at their lack of opportunities to escape the country. Conservative Politicians Jeremy Hunt, Liam Fox, Michael Gove, and David Davis were spotted walking...

Storm Ophelia is battering the UK and Ireland with gusts up to 80mph. After a report of a northern man tutting at a flurry of leaves and zipping his coat up, the Met Office...

The BBC has confirmed that should Jeremy Corbyn win the General Election he intends to sell peoples cats to fund a statue of Lenin. The report is confidential but has been seen by the BBC's...

Hospital staff were apparently left flabbergasted at the Duke of Edinburgh's casually racist remarks during a recent impromptu visit by Death, the harvester of souls. His Royal Highness had been admitted to King Edward VII...

You may remember that last year we partnered with some other brilliant satirists to run a Secret Santa for underprivileged children. Well it really, really took off and created a life of its own. The...

Forget looking into your bride's eyes on your wedding day, you don't know what love is until you become a parent and hold your baby for the first time, says a patronising twat. Hugh Donnow,...

A poor deluded fool from Rochdale has convinced himself that he and his long term partner are getting a puppy instead of a baby. Steve Dickinson from Rochdale is said to be extremely excited at...

The recent heat wave has meant that part-time riders and fair weather Valentino Rossi wannabes are venturing into the garage to wheel out their overpowered, underused motorcycles into daylight. This bi-annual phenomenon coincides with what...

The Conservatives are facing a hefty fine after it has been discovered that their manifesto pledges and reassurances over Brexit were found to contain 1.5 billion litres of human excrement. It is difficult to know...

Government manicurists today rushed to Theresa May's aid following a nail injury, frantically claiming it was merely "chipped varnish". As finger after taloned finger slips from the precipice, purchases of fake nails have sky...

It was revealed today that a Blairite peer, a hedge fund manager, several rich business types and a Liberal Democrat Lord were behind the organisation within Labour called 'Labour Tomorrow.' The group's mission is to...

There are fears that up to 40% of millennials may never be able to have tedious home improvement conversations. Fewer and fewer people are able to own their own homes due to their fondness for...

Prince Harry has a new job as a Prince Harry look-alike in Canada. His new boss told us, "There's a lot of attention on Prince Harry at the moment. With that attention then demand for...