National News

A woman from Cleckheaton told The Rochdale Herald today how her husband went shopping, with a list, and returned an hour and a half later with everything on it. Louise, 32, said "I'm still in...

Equality campaigners have welcomed plans to rename Big Ben as part of a project celebrating London's rich cultural heritage. The famous landmark, which is due to undergo extensive refurbishment next week, is to be called...

80's TV ad star and renowned juice producer, Derek Monte, was rushed to hospital yesterday and  immediately diagnosed with scurvy, a debilitating illness caused by a severe vitamin C deficiency that commonly affected pirates...

Social scientists have revealed a study that shows a correlation between the decline in the British sense of humour and decline in pub chat. Dr Frederick Seddon of Rochdale college said, "Britain likes to think...

In a last ditch attempt to win the X Factor vote tonight,the PM today took the unusual but popular step to separate Boris Johnson from Britain. On some politics show she told some BBC presenter...

A man has told the Rochdale Herald that he's protecting the statue of Winston Churchill in Whitehall because, "You'd be speaking German if it wasn't for Churchill", before giving a Nazi salute. Retired football...

The Rochdale Herald has learned that the Football Association have taken the unprecedented step of cancelling the 2018 FA Cup final. The move comes after it was revealed that Prince Harry's wedding will be on...

An absolute arsehole is blissfully unaware that everybody thinks he's an arsehole. Dave Bloke, 42 and a bit from Rochdale, somehow still thinks people like him despite the fact that he's a complete arsehole. "It's amazing...

  UKIP and the Corbynista wing of the Labour Party have reached a landmark agreement to prevent social media posts by their respective trolls and sock puppets from being confused. From now on, the two sides announced in...

Tragedy has struck Burnley this afternoon after the Scottish band from St Andrew's accidentally locked in their tour Mondeo and died from heat exhaustion. With temperatures in Lancashire soaring above zero it's thought the band,...

A laptop in an office in Rochdale has undergone a comprehensive software update without completely screwing up his owner’s day. The laptop, which is an old Dell that has been dropped several times, made the...

Property botherer and dreadful chef Martin Roberts has demanded a recount following his failure to be elected President of the Jungle in this year's 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here'. Roberts, the celebrity...

Piers Morgan has told ITV viewers that if they loved the Blitz they're going to love Brexit. Morgan made the comments in on Good Morning Britain between a report about a woman who contacts people's...

Scientists at the renowned Rochdale Community University's Social Physics department announced the discovery of a new energy source today. “We discovered that the heat radiated by the self-righteous when they're offended could supply most of...

Chocolate mega-conglomerate Mars have confirmed they are renaming 'Share' packs to more accurately reflect their customers' selfish, secretive consumption style. Advertising campaigns for the larger packs of chocolates such as M&Ms and Maltesers have tended...

Islamic poppies, which would be green, with a white star and crescent, are being discussed by the Royal British Legion. This has predictably stirred up a great deal of debate. The Herald listened to a...