National News

The role of senior Downing Street Adviser Dominic Cummings was called into question after news emerged that he had seen fit to visit the north east not once, but twice.  This amount of time...

Support groups representing bullies are calling for the term bully to be banned. They claim it is a negative and pejorative phrase and leaves the victims feeling, well, bullied. Gripper Stebson of Bullies Against Slander,...

The BBC has confirmed that should Jeremy Corbyn win the General Election he intends to sell peoples cats to fund a statue of Lenin. The report is confidential but has been seen by the BBC's...

The Government has revealed that Britain has taken back control of its fishing waters and hidden them in Shropshire. A spokesman said, "For too long these French and Spanish fishermen have fished our fish in...

The Government has announced that it has recruited some more "freaks and weirdos" as advisors following the resignation of noted weirdo, Andrew Sabisky. A spokesman said, "There was a lot of confusion when we advertised...

Hate preacher Abu Hamza has been invited to a State Visit after Number 10 revealed that they are widening the scope of the unsavoury extremists that can benefit from such an honour. Downing Street...

The NHS received a much needed boost today, after Number 10 kindly pledged to plough a sizeable portion of uncollected change from all Government office vending machines into public services in a stunning new...

The Home Office has issued advice to the nation’s gardeners this year that they should be storing this year’s autumn leaves for use as currency after the apocalypse. “It's just a precautionary measure. There is...

A driver has defended parking his car across two spaces in a supermarket car park saying "no one would have batted an eyelid if I wasn't a bloke" Mark Ranley, from Doncaster, was criticised on...

The bloke who is doing all the work on the £15BN M62 road improvement scheme has been spotted on site for the first time since 2011. The sighting happened near junction 9 almost three weeks...

The Duke of Edinburgh is reported to have become embroiled in a food poisoning compensation scam scandal today just hours after being discharged from King Edward VIIII's hospital in Battersea. The Duke is rumoured to...

Scientists believe they have proven the rise of Fake News is a direct consequence of the decline of bullying in schools. Professor Andrei Clewsov of the Sutton Coldfield Institute of Bullying told the Herald, "What...

  Emergency services were called to a barbecue at a property in northern Lancashire this afternoon after dozens of women came over "a bit funny" after seeing a man cooking food on a barbecue. Several ladies...

There are rumours today that the Queen's Christmas speech will contain one paragraph in Urdu. A furious Palace insider told us, "It's completely ridiculous. I've heard the Queen isn't happy about it but the Government...

Fans of popular football team Chelsea Albion were agog with joy today when the team went one point ahead of arch rivals Liverpool Wanderers in the Premier League, with only 6 months left in...

As the National Audit Office revealed that homelessness of all kinds has doubled over the past 6 years, a Tory spokesman has confirmed that they are very pleased with the results. At a press conference,...