National News

“No, I don’t care. Show me pictures of abandoned dog toys, show me puppies floating in the water, play violins and show me skinny hounds looking sad. I still don’t care,” said Katie Hopkins.

The new head of the National Grid, Nicola Shaw,  has today encouraged consumers to opt for "smart energy" devices which will enable her to keep her job at times of peak energy usage.  With spare...

The half of the nation whose oven clocks are correct swapped places with the half whose oven clocks are an hour or twelve out last night. The six monthly ritual celebrates the fact that we...

International high IQ club Mensa has announced plans to scrap their famously difficult entrance exam, and replace it with a quest to negotiate Apple's music management software iTunes. Potential applicants to the club, whose membership makes...

It was revealed today that a Blairite peer, a hedge fund manager, several rich business types and a Liberal Democrat Lord were behind the organisation within Labour called 'Labour Tomorrow.' The group's mission is to...

Brexiters across the land are jubilantly crying "We told you so!" after GlaxoSmithKline, a UK company, based in the UK, that wanted the UK to stay in the EU admitted that despite never saying...

Disgraced labour MP, serial text pest and pornography enthusiast Simon Danczuk accused the former Business Secretary Sir Vince Cable of being "old hat" on Twitter this morning. Sir Cable, who wasn't suspended from his party...

Charlotte, a seven year old English Bulldog, is heart broken after a new baby was born this morning in her family. She admits to being pleased her female owner came through birthing the human puppy...

Playgrounds and schools all over the country were full of joyous celebration as Britain's children heard that Broccoli has been rationed. "Fabbolishus!", declared Ryan Whingeing (8) from Scumbag Primary School, Rochdale. "The green poison is...

Homeopathic politician and all-round quack-licker Jeremy The Hunt has stated that patients will suffer if planned strikes by junior doctors go ahead. "Obviously we don't have a problem with patients suffering from underfunding and our...

Rumours are circulating within Westminster village regarding tomorrow's Queen's Speech. In order for it to be the unmistakable work of comedy everyone expects, Downing Street has commissioned the famous comedian Stephen Fry. Given the smash hit...

Albert Fudge, a Rochdale based web designer employed by the Conservative Party- has accidentally deleted the European Human Rights Act. The tech boffin was asked by Theresa May's new Government to get rid of the...

The world waited with baited breath for David Davis' speech in which he was expected to reveal the government's plans for exiting the EU. The speech was timed to take place at the exact...

 Amber Rudd is set to give evidence to a commons committee on the state of the inquiry into child sexual abuse in place of Dame Lowell Goddard, who didn't have the balls to turn...

From worthy issues such as International Women’s Day to cultural stereotypes like National Tea Day, it seems like every day is "something" Day. Just about anything you can imagine, there’s a day for it;...

This week saw the conviction and sentencing of Thomas Mair in the case of the tragic murder of MP Jo Cox.  During the murder, the accused is said to have shouted "... Britain first...", before...