National News

Prince Harry is breaking with Royal protocol by marrying an American actress he is barely related to. Kensington Palace are said to be disturbed  saying in a press release that it is "very unusual but...

The good people of the Emerald Isle know how to take advantage of this windy bollocks A petition to "tie Bono to a fecking kite" is now the most popular petition of Irish origins on...

Head of Britain First, Paul Golding, was arrested and sentenced to prison for obsessively visiting places he supposedly hates. He reportedly hates prison too so he should be in his element. The thick bastard. A...

The Government has announced that the UK's economy is now based solely on beer and barbeques. In a statement the Treasury said, "The sunny weather has really helped the economy. With much better growth...

It's Father's Day and an annual day of depression for men across the nation as fathers are expected to sit, smile and feign appreciation of some truly naff presents. Particular favourites amongst unimaginative children...

The Tower of London was last night illuminated by the light of 10,000 small fires as Aaron Banks and officials from Leave.EU burnt loads of documents. One onlooker, Bill Board said, "At first we thought...

There is more travel misery anticipated for the rest of the week as tens of thousands of people are expected to continue making their way to Harrogate in North Yorkshire to see the World's...

Members of a mob that smashed up an ambulance as part of the post match celebrations yesterday were within their democratic rights according to Brexiteers. Cliff Edge said, "If you look at the footage the...

Motorists are being advised to avoid the M62 after reports of a dozen hungry rugby players from Burnley eating the corpses of stranded motorists near Ainley Top. The Daily Express reported cars were stranded for...

The life of a Rochdale man has improved immeasurably after he finally ran out of fucks to give. Office manager James Harding, 38, ran out of fucks last night following the Government’s defeat of...

It's been suggested that Meghan Markle's dad had a heart attack shortly after being told that the brides father should pay for his daughters wedding. Family member, Johannes Atlanta Florida Mississippi III told us, "The...

The Mail-online has sought to reassure readers that it was a slack-jawed, lazy, drunken black man who bought the fridge that started the Grenfell tower blaze. The 'news source' which has access to files that...

Hundreds of thousands of rail passengers face actually going to work as the RMT told Southern Rail employees to actually do their jobs. Staff will walk-in for 48 hours at midnight. A further 24-hour working...

Steven Woolfe, a total barrister who serves as a legal adviser to hedge fund managers and bankers narrowly missed his chance to become replacement Man Of The People by not filling the application in...

Tragedy struck a small IT company in Dorking yesterday after one of its office workers brave efforts to tame a particularly brutal build-up of rectal gas failed, when the unfortunate employee popped. The worker -...

A dog has told of his love of the 5th of November festivities, or "cower under the toilet night" as it's known in the canine world. The Yorkie/Maltese cross called, appropriately, Shakey told The Rochdale...