National News

Veteran comic Mel Brooks, 91, has confirmed that his ambitious live action show, The President, will end shortly with a musical impeachment. Speaking at a rare public appearance as a guest of Dave Chappelle...

Buckingham Palace has sought to quash rumours that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are set to call their new baby boy 'Diana' and then raise him as a girl. In a memo leaked to...

Unconfirmed reports are coming in from Rochdale that a three year old child sat still in contemplative silence for five whole minutes last Tuesday afternoon. Gemima Atkinson, 3 and a bit, was at home...

Lancashire Fire Brigade have announced they're considering using the tears of remainers to put out the flames on the top of Saddleworth Moor. Fire Officer Asif Hose told us, "The fires have been blazing for...

6 lucky Daily Express readers will mark the launch of the Royal British Legions poppy appeal by machine gunning celebrities caught not wearing poppies later today. One Express reader said, "It's that important part of...

Consumers concerned with the rising price of alcohol in the UK received a welcome boost today, as it was confirmed all boozers in the capital will offer a free kick in the knackers with...

Albert J Bilsborough, 63, has finally left the M25 after 30 years, after also being amongst the first motorists to enter the hell road. The road itself,  unlike most users, also made it to 30...

Two Rochdale conspiracy theorists have been telling the Herald that they've come to the conclusion that nobody is in charge. The pair, known only as X-file and Opus Dei to protect their identity from Government...

A cargo plane has touched down in Barbuda, carrying the first consignment of thoughts and prayers from the people of Britain. The jet touched down at midday local time, amid scenes chaos and devastation brought...

The woman who managed to get thirty hours free childcare using the HMRC has been thrown out of MENSA for being “too clever” and has been invited to appear on the BBC’s Mastermind quiz...

Rochdale Police today issued a warning to recreational drug users that Ecstasy tablets are being sold in the local area that actually contain some proper drugs. 3000 tablets containing a small amount of the psychoactive...

Everyone in the world looked at each other and asked "what the hell" yesterday after the temerity of a former political leader's comments on Brexit displayed a stunning lack of self awareness. National Grid confirmed...

A man who was filmed saying racist things to a black grandma on a Ryanair flight this week has said that calling her a "Black Bastard" was actually a term of endearment where he...

Well off government workers including nurses, firemen and the police are banding together to help impoverished pensioner, Liz, 91, from Windsor. 'We heard about the poor woman's plight and knew we had to do something,'...

British geriatrics were claiming victory this afternoon in the long held ‘it was better in the old days’ debate against younger demographics. Research released by the Resolution Foundation has shown that it was actually conceivable...

Disgraced veteran mouser Larry the Downing Street Cat on Friday admitted to allegations of sexual misconduct that were levelled against him earlier in the week. In the statement, which was shared with The Rochdale Herald,...