National News

The team behind the bewilderingly popular series of computer games Call of Duty has revealed that the next instalment of the franchise will be set on Oxford Street during Black Friday sales.  The release follows...

Men around the world have confirmed that it's not Christmas until they have seen either a German terrorist or a half naked prostitute fall from the window of a sksyscraper. "It's a close run thing...

The Rochdale Herald have signed goalkeeper Neville Southall from twitter for an undisclosed fee, that definitely didn’t involve skeletons. The veteran ex-Everton goalie, who is still Wales’ most capped player, will join the Rochdale Herald...

A German national has plummeted to his death after a Christmas party at the Nakatomi Tower in Los Angeles got a little bit out of hand. Herr Gruber was pronounced dead at the scene after...

In an attempt to make the Labour leadership election more comradely and fairer, the Labour PLP has been trawling through the social media activities of all its members. Members who were deemed to be lefty...

The Pope has announced that Katie Hopkins will be made a saint shortly, after her reputation sadly died last week. Hopkins's reputation went into an irreversible decline following her defeat in a libel action bought...

Albert J Bilsborough, 63, has finally left the M25 after 30 years, after also being amongst the first motorists to enter the hell road. The road itself,  unlike most users, also made it to 30...

Britain has revealed it is spoiled for choice on which incompetent aresehole it has leading it. A spokesman told us, "Everyone is cheering at the prospect of a fresh Prime Minister with new ideas to...

In a shock statement today the 1970's have told 2016 to go back to its own timeline where it belongs.  In July a third of the country decided to flee the oppression of prosperity and...

There were ugly scenes this morning after a motorist lost his temper having been stuck on a motorway in a major tailback for 15 hours despite numerous warnings not to travel. Cars and lorries...

A cargo plane has touched down in Barbuda, carrying the first consignment of thoughts and prayers from the people of Britain. The jet touched down at midday local time, amid scenes chaos and devastation brought...

You may remember that last year we partnered with some other brilliant satirists to run a Secret Santa for underprivileged children. Well it really, really took off and created a life of its own. The...

The First Secretary of State, essentially Theresa May's deputy, is facing an investigation by his Mum into allegations that copies of the Conservative manifesto was found on a computer under his bed at home. Mrs...

The British mobility scooter industry has warned that it could see a huge drop in production of mobility scooters following the introduction of the Government's sugar tax. The warning came on the day the tax...

Festive upper middle class shoppers in Waitrose were astonished and horrified to learn that the store is run as a workers' collective. Eric Pode (40), a shopper in the Croydon branch and a keen amateur...

Sheffield council yesterday accepted they had fundamentally misunderstood the concept of 'socialism'.  Following a vehement rejection by local residents of their plan to cut down eight mature trees alongside Rustling Road in Sheffield, and contrary...