Local News

Rochdale residents are said to be very excited by the prospect of house price rises for the first time in almost a century in post-apocalyptic Britain. "It's very exciting." A spokesman for Rochdale estate agency...

Rochdale resident Jim Tossking has announced that he hopes to raise £25m for the N.H.S. by supping 100 pints of bitter. A regular at Rochdale's famous Rat and Pudding pub, Jim is known to locals...

The Rochdale branch of the English Defence League face fresh controversy this week after an embarrassing mishap at the annual members Halloween party. "We've had some bad press recently and the annual Halloween fancy dress...

Reports are circulating that a middle aged man stripped stark bollock naked last night at local budget gym, LoveMuscle. Eyewitnesses claim he was beating his hairy chest with his fists and foaming at the mouth...

Malcolm, an inner city border collie, has spoken exclusively to the Rochdale Herald and explained he does not understand why the children in his home are constantly rewarded with food. “The kids are a pain...

53 year old Gulf war veteran, Ian Stapleton, had been living rough on the streets of Manchester for the last seven years. The heroic soldier ended up homeless and turned to alcohol after his marriage...

Rochdale Council recently held a competition to name it's new flagship refuse truck. Amongst the suggestions offered were 'Binny McBin Face', 'Shit Truck' and 'Binner Round The World'. The competition winner, 11 year old Glenlyce Hypervent...

Local businessman Vinnie 'Fingers' McPherson entered the big league in the world of high finance today when his appearance on TV's popular Dragon's Den show took him from pitch to rich. "I love doing this show" a...

A plan to devolve police powers in Rochdale has been given the green light. This will be the biggest shakeup in policing since since Robert Peel introduced the police force in 1829. The plan involves a...

There are fears for the safety of a missing Rochdale Golden Retriever who is reportedly suffering an "existential crisis."

Following the conviction of their leaders for advanced wankery, local Britain First members today received another body blow.  In line with a recent decision by Delta Airlines to disassociate itself with a toxic organisation...

Herald editor, Quentin D. Fortesqueue has been re-admitted to Rochdale General Hospital for surgery to remove his tongue from his cheek. The jaded and cynical hack-in-chief of Rochdale’s only quality satirical organ had very recently...

Rochdale Borough Council have announced ambitious plans to enter into the selection process for European City of Culture 2020. Local councilor Peter Radcliffe believes the idea has captured the imagination of Rochdale. "The buzz is definitely...

A drunk driver that crashed his car into a tree on Saturday night has told us the tree caused the accident. A police spokesman said, "We were called to a report of a man having...

A Rochdale man has been telling us of his disappointment at not being made to take his England flag down by the police. Martin William's erected the flag on his house today and has...

Two lovely blokes who were recently charged with doing absolutely nothing illegal by the dark forces of South Yorkshire police and Sheffield Council were celebrating their freedom yesterday. Simeon Cramp and Calvin Hobbes, who frequently...