Local News

A man is trying his very hardest to look like he understands the wine list in a restaurant. Steve Dickinson was handed the wine list by a waiter because he's a bloke and is now...

Two grandparents from Rochdale have spoken about emerging from the embarrassing 'Jacob Reees-Mogg' phase of their life. Orla Board told us, "We'll look back at this and laugh about it. It's a bit like flared...

Latest figures released on the governments website www.gov.co.uk reveal the good old British sense of humour is alive and well as almost unbelievably Boaty McBoatface is now the second most popular boys name in...

Northern Rail commuters have confirmed that the length of time it takes to get to work is definitely too soon to spoon. 28 year old commuter, Hadley Rollins said, "I get on the train at...

Scientists and Government sources have confirmed that the giant asteroid, 2016-FI is on course to strike the Northern Hemisphere after initial uncertainty about it's trajectory. The news was first reported by California's Yackler Observatory...

A local nihilist has started a campaign against vaccinations, arguing that they force children to endure the pain and sadness of their futile existence. Stephen Bowers, 19, has been handing out leaflets around Rochdale in...

Lancashire Police have urged the public to be vigilant today after a reputed sighting of a gigantic spider who breaks into homes to poke holes in sofa upholstery. Detectives are working with the RSPCA to...

Residents of the leafy south Manchester suburb of West Didsbury were forced to spit their skinny lattes out in shock this morning after the area was captured by radical Jeremy Corbyn supporters. Guerilla Corbynistas successfully...

Every now and then a new fad will infect society and be scoffed at by decent people, until it fades away into the abyss, where it belongs. With the continuous rise of social media...

Greater Manchester Fire & Rescue Service were today boosted in their thankless quest to control the ongoing fires sweeping Saddleworth Moor by the news that they are to receive less funding to aid them. With...

In a world first a northern man has put a teabag into the bin without first putting it into the sink for a few hours. Northerner Steve Dickinson was making a mug of tea when...

A first time buyer has been explaining how stressful buying a house is to a man he met in a foodbank. Taylor Twyford-Twist was doing his weekly bit of virtue signalling, or charity work as...

In a world exclusive, The Rochdale Herald can reveal that super succesful singer songwriter, Paul Simon, is working on a rewrite of the hit song, 'Mrs Robinson', from the classic movie, The Graduate. It appears...

“Forecasting weather in Spain is easy.” Senor Dos explained, bobbing up and down on a piece of driftwood in the English Channel. “It’s always good.”

Kingston Upon Hull has been tipped by the bookies to win the Turner Prize for Irony this year. The famed port city and its people have been shortlisted for ironically depicting a city of culture...

Dick Turnip, writer for the Rochdale Herald, has been left unable to write a single humorous thing commenting on, or parodying the day's news. "It's 24°c outside, 28°C in the Herald office and roughly 200°C...