Local News

A Rochdale man has today been speaking about his ordeal at the hands to some political canvassers he mistook for trick or treaters.  Bill Board told us, "Me and my wife really enjoy answering the...

Rochdale is in the grips of an outlaw Caravaner gang; who are terrorising wild life, being a public nuisance and brawling with dog walkers over the use of picnic tables at the Hollingworth nature...

Rochdalians reacted with righteous fury over news of what is seen at best as an aggressive land grab and, at worst, a declaration of war by their sworn enemies - Yorkshiremen. The original Wars of...

Traditional remedies, like bleeding and mercury, have proved ineffective. Complementary therapists have suggested vaccination, but have been dismissed by mothers who prefer their infants to die naturally rather than to become autistic church goers.

A Rochdale resident who regularly invokes the Blitz Spirit has been out an panic bought 70 bottles of hand sanitizer today. Bill Board regularly greets minor annoyances such as train delays and getting stuck in...

A Rochdale burglar who was killed whilst at work will receive a state funeral.  Councillor Tom Walsh said, "This man wasn't any old burgular. He was the People's Burgular and as such, it will be...

There were scenes of jubilant confusion in the Middleton area this afternoon after a Rochdale woman discovered that her husband had refilled the toilet roll in the downstairs loo. "I couldn't believe my eyes." Barbara...

Commuters were left stunned this morning when Londoner Harry Turner spontaneously burst into flames aboard a Manchester tram.  The tragedy occurred after he was forced to sing the Hokey Cokey by jovial tram driver Roy...

Disgruntled shopper Eileen McCarthy nipped into Poundland around lunchtime on Friday leaving her tartan bag on wheels parked up on the kerbside.  To her dismay on her return she found a distinctive yellow ticket strapped...

A couple from Middleton have decided not to get a new bathroom suite after reading in The Daily Mash about a couple who decided not to renovate their kitchen. “We were thinking about spending thousands...

It may only be July but there are only two Prime Ministers until Christmas. That's according to the British Christmas Monitoring League. The warning comes as many Britons are still enjoying long evening, warm temperatures...

UKIP were forced to admit today that big words like "joke" and "obvious" are generally beyond their grasp. The announcement came after a social media poo storm followed the announcement by Bromley UKIP Councillor Terry...

Meet veteran lollipop lady Gillian Duffy. Gillian has become an institution in Rochdale and one of the country’s most decorated and experienced lollipop ladies. For more than 30 years she has worked for the council escorting children across the road and now she has a new honour, she is the UK’s first Sharia Law compliant lollipop lady

Two lovely blokes who were recently charged with doing absolutely nothing illegal by the dark forces of South Yorkshire police and Sheffield Council were celebrating their freedom yesterday. Simeon Cramp and Calvin Hobbes, who frequently...

In line with the decision taken by the government that following the UK's departure from the EU, British towns will no longer be allowed to be twinned with town within the European zone.  Rochdale has...

In a miraculous change of heart Rochdale Online has decided to give the suspended MP Simon Danczuk a break. Editor Sandra Simonhater said "He did nowt wrong today" instead opting to report on Rochdale...