Texas commemorates first mass shooting by giving students guns to take to school

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To celebrate the 50th anniversary of the world's inaugural mass shooting event at the University of Austin in Texas law makers have passed a very special law to mark the occasion. On August 2nd 1966...

Man-child chickens out of UK visit because people said mean things about him

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Man-child and completely stable genius Donald Trump has reportedly cancelled his planned visit to the UK next month, according to the White House. Trump was due to visit London in February to open the new...

Your 60 second news round-up

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Here's The Rochdale Herald's round-up of today's important news headlines: - UKIP leader's girlfriend is a nasty little racist - Nicola Sturgeon backs a second Scottish Independence Referendum - Jeremy Corbyn doesn't back a second Brexit Referendum -...

Gays seen boarding ark two by two in Texas saying ‘our work here is...

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An ark has been spotted in Texas picking up a group of homosexuals who caused all the flooding there. The findings have come as a suprise to scientists as it seems to confirm the Silvester...

Bill Clinton Gives Trump His “Little Black Book”

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Bill Clinton, who famously began his Presidency by drawing up a list of every woman in America between the ages of 18 and 35, has formally handed over his Little Black Book to President Trump.

Vladimir Putin wins Russian Presidential election with 110% of the vote

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Vladimir Putin will lead Russia for another six year terms after securing victory in the Russian "election" today. With almost all of the ballots counted he has received almost 110% of the vote, a shockingly...

IKEA founder funeral delayed because man won’t look at instructions

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The funeral of IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad has been delayed by several days as staff at the funeral parlour attempt to assemble his coffin. Raised voices could be heard coming from the parlour where...

Atos and DWP pronounce Trump unfit for work

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A physical and mental health Atos assessment on US President, Donald J Trump, has conclusively found that he is unfit for work, the DWP confirmed today. The Atos assessment, leaked to the Herald, showed that...
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