Middle-East

• Mullets are illegal in Iran • In 2007, Iran arrested 14 squirrels for spying • 70% of Iran’s science and engineering students are not men, but women • Most of the Islamic world mourned and condemned the 9-11 attacks, including Turkey half-masting all flags and Iran holding candlelight vigils • As a man, you can be arrested in Iran for wearing shorts • Iran tried to get into the Guinness book of Records in 2008 by making the world’s largest sandwich, but people started eating it before it could be officially measured so they failed •

Islamic State recruitment in crisis after Imam reveals martys actually get nineteen 72 year...

18
Islamic State have revealed they've had to enlist the help of a management consultancy company, Sunni side of the street, following a drop in recruitment. A member of the consultancy told the Herald that the...

Mary forced to give birth on stable floor after health insurance refuses to cover...

0
A woman that claims she's about to give birth to the son of God has told the Herald, about how she is being forced to give birth on a stable floor. Mary told us, "I...

Picture yourself in their shoes

0
A picture of Omran Daqneesh, the five year old boy who was pulled from the rubble that used to be his home in Aleppo, Syria yesterday, has hit the news media by storm and...

Boris meant Saudis are awesome says Defence Secretary Michael Fallon

0
Boris Johnson’s words on Saudi Arabia and other Middle East powers were misreported, according to a clearly desperate Defence Secretary Sir Mr Michael of Fallon.

Chemical Attack was fake news says Asshat

0
Bashir Assad has denied an attack on Khan Sheikhoun ever took place. “The attack was a fiction of the Western press,” said the Syrian leader who previously said by proxy that it was an attack...

The only chemicals you can kills kids with are high explosives and white phosphorus,...

0
Following the outcry over the alleged chemical weapons attacks in Syria, the Pentagon have confirmed that the only legal chemicals you can use to kill children are high explosives and white phosphorus. “We’ve been happily...

Turkey uses remaining irony reserves after vote to abolish democracy

0
The official Turkish news agency (prop. R. T. Erdogan) reports that in a historic vote on Sunday, the people of Turkey voted overwhelmingly in a democratic referendum to abolish democracy. The astonishing result (51%...

Russia to shoot down all planes in Syrian airspace, including their own

1
This morning Russia released an announcement stating that any and all aircraft entering Syrian airspace will be immediately shot down without warning.   This, apparently, includes Russia's own military aircraft. General Yuri Bigbangskivich, spokesman for the...

Aleppo Children launch crowdfunding campaign to replace Kim Kardashian jewellery

0
Children in Aleppo have called for an official Day of Mourning as they grieve in solidarity with the Kardashian family for the loss of some shiny trinkets. Loud wailing could be heard echoing through the...

Women remain underrepresented amongst Taliban leadership

7
It has been revealed that women remain underrepresented amongst the leadership of the Afghan terrorist group the Taliban. An internal review carried out by the Taliban, and leaked to the media, shows that at...

ISIS withdraw from Iraq after Blair’s return to politics announcement

0
Tony Blair yesterday announced that he intended to fill a massive hole and that after that he'd return to British politics. In an interview he described Theresa May as "that fucking usless woman" and Jeremy...

ISIS Propose Christmas Cease-Fire Kickabout

0
ISIS troops fighting around the city of Palmyra have suggested that hostilities be put aside for a few hours at Christmas for an informal game of football with opposing ground forces.

Terrorists rejoice at lower energy bills as Jihadis unplug TVs

0
Terrorists worldwide are saving money on their energy bills as millions of Jihadis unplug their Samsung smart TVs from mains sockets. The move comes after revelations that the CIA and GCHQ have hacked into the...

The Middle East starts packing as Blair hints at return to politics

0
The Oxford English definition of irony, former Middle East Peace Envoy, Tony Blair, suggested a political return may be on the cards in a magazine interview published earlier today. The comments came in reference to...
Exit mobile version