Doncaster residents Bill and Orla Board have been telling the Rochdale Herald how they have finally found a use for the speed boat they won on Bullseye 30 years ago.

Bill told us, “It was 1989, Jive Bunny and the Mixmaster’s was number 1, shell suits were the height of fashion, Michael Jackson was recently white and I was the 5th best player in the Dennis Priestley darts league. I applied because I wanted to win the Mini Metro and I wanted to spend me weekends reparing it and treating its rust. Failing that, the timeshare apartment in LA would have been useful. In the end I ended up with the speedboat. I was a bit disappointed but now I think an angel must have been watching over me. When else would I have had the chance to buy a speedboat since then?”

Orla picked up the story, “At first I was a bit disappointed. In those days the car used to come with a Christmas tree air freshener. In those days that was the only way to get that fresh pine smell. We couldn’t afford Toilet Duck. Then Bill turns up with a boat.”

Bill carried on, “Over the years I’ve tried to find various uses for it. Initially we thought of opening it as a theme park ride but it turns out you need planning permission to build a speed boat themed roller coaster in Doncaster town center. We also used it as a hotel but that wasn’t very good because there’s only one seat in in and you get lots of families. For about a decade my friend Brian was living in it and for 5 years we rented it out to Doncaster Prison. Doncatraz is what we used to call it. Then last week it started raining”

Orla picked up , “I knew it was flooding because Bill turned round and said, ‘Orla, it’s flooding’. I looked out of the window and said we should get in the boat so that’s what we did.”

Bill and Orla’s neighbor, Stan told us, “It’s remarkable really. They won that speed boat 30 years ago and now it’s flooded. You see them out and about and it’s like watching Noah and his wife. Except, instead of the animals going in 2 by 2 they’re off down to Asda to purchase chicken breasts 2 by to. And I bet Noah couldn’t Jet Ski as good as Bill.”

Bill told us, “It’s almost as if my entire life has been building to this moment.”

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.