Hateful, racist, bigoted white supremacist Donald Trump has called on the people of the United States to unite against hate, racism, bigotry and white supremacy.

Reading from a teleprompter – where the big words are spelt phonetically – The President departed from his customary unscripted ramblings in response to the double-shootings in El Paso, Texas and Dayton, Ohio.

Diagnosed by over twenty-seven psychiatrists as suffering from a suite of narcissistic and delusional personality disorders, Trump also tweeted that it is ‘mental illness that pulls the trigger, not the gun.’

The Rochdale Herald has learned The President writes most tweets from under a White House duvet in his Spiderman underpants.