The leader of a global paedophile network has arrived in Ireland as he begins touring the country today.
Pope Francis flew into Dublin Airport and was met by supporters who had queued for several hours to get a glimpse of him.
One told us, “It’s great that the Pope is here. I missed the last one as I was in a Magdalene Laundry having recently given birth to a baby outside of wedlock. Although I didn’t get to see him his visit made me feel much better for having to dig that mass grave. I’m hoping to get to talk to Francis and thank him in person for the Catholic Church’s commitment to systematically abusing women and children. I’m sure he’ll be bale to show me I the Bible where Jesus says it’s ok to do this sort of stuff.”
Elsewhere, Martin O’Leary said, “I’m glad he’s turned up. I was an alter boy which was a great honour for me. It was a tough life as you had to get up at 6 am everyday to prepare for morning mass. I’d light the candles, only wearing my pants whilst Father O’Hallorhan looked on. Then, in the evening I’d go to Father Logan’s house where I’d serve him food totally naked. I’d like to tell the Pope how I don’t hold all my years as an alcoholic and drug addict against the Church even though it was the systematic abuse that I suffered at its hands that triggered it. That’s true Christian forgiveness.”
A spokesman for the Vatican said, “Pope Francis will make another meaningless apology to the faithful. Meanwhile, Priests will continue to be told to do 10 Hail Mary’s each time they abuse a child. It’s hoped that by coming to Ireland the Pope can encourage Priests to abuse children more covertly. That way it’s easier to cover up.”
The Pope will lead a Mass on Sunday where he will offer no evidence that God exists.
