A group of Rochdale toddlers are stamping their feet and crying after they were told that they cannot have their cake and eat it.

The scenes were recorded at 3 year old Cliff Edge’s birthday party of over the weekend.

3 year old Bill Board said, “I had cake and then I ate it and now I don’t have cake anymore. So I called Stan a poo poo head and blamed him for me not having cake anymore. Even though he’s diabetic and can’t have cake. Then I loudly soiled myself and had to be put to bed.”

2 year old Noah told us, “I ate 3 pieces of cake and now I don’t have any. I was really angry when I realised. Anyway, it’s my mum and dads fault so when I grow up I’m going to become a drug addict and rob old people to fund my habit. When I’m caught I’ll blame my mum and dad for it. Then they’ll be sorry when I’m in a young offender’s institution.”

Not all the toddlers were happy with the choice of cake on offer. One told us, “I was promised a cake. I wanted one with loads of icing on it and jam inside. The, Cliff’s mum brought out one with coconut in it. That was horrible. Cliff’s mum should be burnt at the stake like the treacherous piece of poo poo that she is.”

It’s understood that the party risked getting out of hands until the children’s parents came, picked them up and took them away for a nap.

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.